another attack

This 3 series age attack is getting serious. Im sure some out there might been saying silently in their head 'puhlis la minah ni...x abih2 3 series..3 series...' Huh hello minah...wait until u experience it urself. Im not surprised if someone who is weak might get depression or mental illness!

Okay. Its my first day period. I dont really understand whats happening to me. To my mind. I feel so stupid to feel vulnerable like this. Im a bitter person terribly. I know im not that friendly either, but at least i didnt hate everyone around me before.

All i ever wanted is my own space..and things goes smoothly. and i do not want to get irritated by being shadowed with other people's achievement or happiness. Im not the kind who will become a hater of someone's good thing happening. Or maybe because it being shadowed by a few specific reason..like boyfriend,marriage or baby..sigh..

I wish i can smile more like iv always known as. Im always a smiley girl. Now im a pouting,sulking face and i dont even look good with the double chin and whatnot. I dont care to look good anymore. I still do my hair and body scrub, but i just dont bother to look good or outstanding when at outside. I do less makeup, and sometimes i dont even!

U know what i really want? I want my face to look glow and brightening by itself so that i dont have to put makeup anymore. I wanna my body to keep on maintain just okay like this without me to diet like stupid teenage girls or control what i wanna eat! I wanna my own house! Owned!! I wanna a new car!!

Owh talking about car..finally alhamdulillah after several stupid bloody banks issue, CIMB had been kind enough to offer me with the loan. Why i should be pissed? I have no commitment at all!!I have no debt! and my salary is enough to pay a brand new car. The reason was because i had record with ccrs and i have no financial pattern record. The fuck?

And no one knows and would understand how this car is the savior of my broken mind at the moment. Seriously. All i really wanna is changes or NEW! and now i have it. This car is the symbolic of i can stand on my own. I have nothing to lose as a single. I can achieve what i want. I have better property. and i can go whenever i want!!!

I cant wait for this 'phase' to pass..seriously..i cant wait to be at that point where i dont care anymore about boyfriend,marriage or babies..i want to feel and think that its not end of the world if u cant achieve all that successfully. I still got few years to come until i reach 40 at least..whoa!

So until that phase comes, people around me need to just be extra patient with this bloody bitch attitude. I hope all those motivational books that  bought from Big Bad Wolf 2012 could assist me..