Of course u cant help it to keep on stalking the new girlfriend of your exes right?
I know its not healthy.. But trust me il get through it soon enough..I hope..
I knew bout Zul new girlfriend virally when he virally uploaded their pics where Fara and Mas came about it and told me. I was being blocked by my exes (which I dont know whats the purpose)..I mean i would love to show off my life and hoping to make them ..err ..envy? haha i dont know..A girl actions is sometimes not to be questioned.
I seem to have no problem knowing Zul have moved on. I mean, iv come to my senses that maybe Im the one that always be in his way. Its time for him to move to a new girl. Because i love him. I will always be. Hey I still got our pic in my room and I never bothered to remove it. Its bout pure love that hard to explain. Heard bout 'If u love someone enough, U will let the person go'? Because if thats what makes him happy, Il be happy too. Except that of course, dont let the new girl bother me or try to create prob with me. Then Im good.
So that bastard have a new girl too! Wow..it didnt take him long enough to find a new girl to mess up with. Seriously, x rasa bersalah langsung ka? Duit aku pun x bayaq.. Okay I really disturbed with this one. I mean I feel like to approach the new girl and warn her. U dont even have the criteria to be a man let alone someone's boyfriend! Fuck him. yes fuck him!
And to see that the way they started just remind of how he did with me last time. I mean the FB activities and all. And iv noticed they started on his birthday and I bet it was through FB too. Typical no balls bastard.
Did my 'doa orang teraniaya' accepted and granted? I just wonder..
I dont see that he is miserable and yet got a new girlfriend some more.. How the hell he got to move on so easily..Owh yea, i almost forgot.. He didnt loss anything..because he didnt fucking pay anything.. LOSER
What should i do with this one yea?
Or should i do nothing and forgive..?
Owh thats hard..because i dont think i can ever forgive him in million years.
What I can do?
Wishing that he will be rotten not in the afterlife, but now!
Showing posts with label bittersweet. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bittersweet. Show all posts
Tuesday, 3 March 2015
Tuesday, 22 July 2014
Friendship..
In my life, I dont really have lots of circle of friend actually.
Its either my sis's friends circle or my friends circle.
The etiquette of friendship is one of the most important thing in my life. I respect and obey the rules. Like no stealing people friends? No simply claiming people as BFF when u know they are not really up to your standard of BFF.
So, Im also sensitive to these issues. Esp if u feel u were not counted in the circle pun.. And I always have this thought because theres always someone or something that keep on remind me.
Honestly I pun penat lah to feel unappreciated and feel like I je yang beria..
So iv decided, lets break the circle. Let me myself with only me knowing, exit from the circle slowly.
Im sure my absent will not be realized pun.
Plus I still got my friends to be count on.
I mean whats the point if u can clearly witness that some people do not worship or appreciate u as their friends like u did pun. I dont know bout other people, but i cant tolerate that. I cannot accept knowing that we are not really been thought of.
Call me mega-sensitive bitch.
But i sedar diri.
For example, real friends will never forget to wish u 'Happy Birthday'. esp now it got flooded at your FB wall. Theres no way u could have missed it.
And, why does i never see my picture in ur IG or FB where else theres 'not really close friends' in it. And yet, when theres thing to talk about, I was all ears to u?
Im not complaining or mengungkit.. But it bothers me..So..
Its either my sis's friends circle or my friends circle.
The etiquette of friendship is one of the most important thing in my life. I respect and obey the rules. Like no stealing people friends? No simply claiming people as BFF when u know they are not really up to your standard of BFF.
So, Im also sensitive to these issues. Esp if u feel u were not counted in the circle pun.. And I always have this thought because theres always someone or something that keep on remind me.
Honestly I pun penat lah to feel unappreciated and feel like I je yang beria..
So iv decided, lets break the circle. Let me myself with only me knowing, exit from the circle slowly.
Im sure my absent will not be realized pun.
Plus I still got my friends to be count on.
I mean whats the point if u can clearly witness that some people do not worship or appreciate u as their friends like u did pun. I dont know bout other people, but i cant tolerate that. I cannot accept knowing that we are not really been thought of.
Call me mega-sensitive bitch.
But i sedar diri.
For example, real friends will never forget to wish u 'Happy Birthday'. esp now it got flooded at your FB wall. Theres no way u could have missed it.
And, why does i never see my picture in ur IG or FB where else theres 'not really close friends' in it. And yet, when theres thing to talk about, I was all ears to u?
Im not complaining or mengungkit.. But it bothers me..So..
Tuesday, 1 April 2014
The syndrome
Remember this film?
Okay..Im not gonna touch on the fights or Kate or Anne..
I wanna relate myself with their preparation towards the big day. Because I think Im experiencing the same thing right now..
Owh my..where should I start..
Or to be exact..when did it start? Im pretty sure it started after he ticked me with the ring. And after dengue. Yeap I get emotional because he only visited me one time! O N E!! And since then I never get recover..
Its not bout BIG things honestly..its about communication, sharing, effort and interest. Yeap sound simple but it is not because its general and subjective. But actually it can help because of its generality u can ask for advise or read. In case ur too ignorant and never care bout these area before.
I mean lets do this together! Okay ur far..so communicate!!
Walk the talk.. and update each other.. sharing!!
Again walk the talk..theres a reason why we discuss and plan..effort!!
Are u really in this? show fucking interest!!
Im a bit worried day by day because im the who feel do not want to communicate anymore, mals nak sharing.. no effort toward the rship anymore..and my only interest is on the wedding..not him anymore.
Im glad when i checked with my newly married girlfriends that it is normal!! Phew..
It will faded and gone once he shake the kadi's hand. And the post effect will be the opposite of it.
Lets just pray and pray..that this is only temporary..
Because i do not wanna waste all the money..and yeah pride.
Thursday, 30 May 2013
Mommy daughter issue.
this post caused by one episode in Kardashian series apparently...
yea i like watching them. For me the girls are thriving to live their life richly and they know what they need to do. And i do respect on how they can tolerate with the very minimum privacy having 5 cameraman all the time in their house (i saw in Kendal's keek)..
So it was about Kourtney having emotional issue with her mom. Shes having problem where she always giving attitude to Kris. Which is, similar to what im having too. Im so relief to know that im not alone. U know its terrible to think about it when ur in ur 30s to do so.. But she was more on shes carried a baby girl and just found out about Kris's previous scandal and lead to divorcement, and shes been badly affected by it thinking that she wouldnt do that to her children..ever.
I tried to find one tune that can relate to me and at least learn on how I could overcome it.
So she visit her personal therapist and share the issue.
Basically its all about late age and hormones attack. Tick.
U have problem dealing with ur mom's mistake. Tick
U didnt share it with ur boyfriend/father to the children. Err Tick?
Im sure its about quarter age crisis again.. The age and hormones and whatnot.
Im having difficulties to accept that shes willing to let her life being controlled by a man.. I know im talking about my own father here. But i think, I would look up on her more if she fought a bit for herself. If she do not have to be too dependent on her husband. If she could have say in the house. Because she didnt realized, it had affected me in some way.
But then again, jodoh di tangan Allah. She were meant to be with him. I could see how they need each other and continue surviving because they have each other. I just have this thought that it would be different if im in her shoe.
Yes, I basically have no one to share to. When Zul was around, he would be the one who listen and digest. I did share with some people,my girlfriends, but u know again the limitation because they have lots more on their plate and couldn't come out with one good calm solution. I dont think i wanna hear things that i knew. If only therapist is cheap. I think I have lots going on inside me, thanks to solat i could still think soundly.
Lastly, the only solution is to accept my mother's mistake (even without her knowledge of the mistake) and remember that 'syurga di bawah kaki ibu'. To accept that it were meant to be. To accept that it has been set up by Allah. And to pray more, so that i will open my heart sincerely to men. I need to try to eliminate some judgmental perception towards men.
So i will believe in marriage again.
yea i like watching them. For me the girls are thriving to live their life richly and they know what they need to do. And i do respect on how they can tolerate with the very minimum privacy having 5 cameraman all the time in their house (i saw in Kendal's keek)..
So it was about Kourtney having emotional issue with her mom. Shes having problem where she always giving attitude to Kris. Which is, similar to what im having too. Im so relief to know that im not alone. U know its terrible to think about it when ur in ur 30s to do so.. But she was more on shes carried a baby girl and just found out about Kris's previous scandal and lead to divorcement, and shes been badly affected by it thinking that she wouldnt do that to her children..ever.
I tried to find one tune that can relate to me and at least learn on how I could overcome it.
So she visit her personal therapist and share the issue.
Basically its all about late age and hormones attack. Tick.
U have problem dealing with ur mom's mistake. Tick
U didnt share it with ur boyfriend/father to the children. Err Tick?
Im sure its about quarter age crisis again.. The age and hormones and whatnot.
Im having difficulties to accept that shes willing to let her life being controlled by a man.. I know im talking about my own father here. But i think, I would look up on her more if she fought a bit for herself. If she do not have to be too dependent on her husband. If she could have say in the house. Because she didnt realized, it had affected me in some way.
But then again, jodoh di tangan Allah. She were meant to be with him. I could see how they need each other and continue surviving because they have each other. I just have this thought that it would be different if im in her shoe.
Yes, I basically have no one to share to. When Zul was around, he would be the one who listen and digest. I did share with some people,my girlfriends, but u know again the limitation because they have lots more on their plate and couldn't come out with one good calm solution. I dont think i wanna hear things that i knew. If only therapist is cheap. I think I have lots going on inside me, thanks to solat i could still think soundly.
Lastly, the only solution is to accept my mother's mistake (even without her knowledge of the mistake) and remember that 'syurga di bawah kaki ibu'. To accept that it were meant to be. To accept that it has been set up by Allah. And to pray more, so that i will open my heart sincerely to men. I need to try to eliminate some judgmental perception towards men.
So i will believe in marriage again.
Wednesday, 12 December 2012
another attack
This 3 series age attack is getting serious. Im sure some out there might been saying silently in their head 'puhlis la minah ni...x abih2 3 series..3 series...' Huh hello minah...wait until u experience it urself. Im not surprised if someone who is weak might get depression or mental illness!
Okay. Its my first day period. I dont really understand whats happening to me. To my mind. I feel so stupid to feel vulnerable like this. Im a bitter person terribly. I know im not that friendly either, but at least i didnt hate everyone around me before.
All i ever wanted is my own space..and things goes smoothly. and i do not want to get irritated by being shadowed with other people's achievement or happiness. Im not the kind who will become a hater of someone's good thing happening. Or maybe because it being shadowed by a few specific reason..like boyfriend,marriage or baby..sigh..
I wish i can smile more like iv always known as. Im always a smiley girl. Now im a pouting,sulking face and i dont even look good with the double chin and whatnot. I dont care to look good anymore. I still do my hair and body scrub, but i just dont bother to look good or outstanding when at outside. I do less makeup, and sometimes i dont even!
U know what i really want? I want my face to look glow and brightening by itself so that i dont have to put makeup anymore. I wanna my body to keep on maintain just okay like this without me to diet like stupid teenage girls or control what i wanna eat! I wanna my own house! Owned!! I wanna a new car!!
Owh talking about car..finally alhamdulillah after several stupid bloody banks issue, CIMB had been kind enough to offer me with the loan. Why i should be pissed? I have no commitment at all!!I have no debt! and my salary is enough to pay a brand new car. The reason was because i had record with ccrs and i have no financial pattern record. The fuck?
And no one knows and would understand how this car is the savior of my broken mind at the moment. Seriously. All i really wanna is changes or NEW! and now i have it. This car is the symbolic of i can stand on my own. I have nothing to lose as a single. I can achieve what i want. I have better property. and i can go whenever i want!!!
I cant wait for this 'phase' to pass..seriously..i cant wait to be at that point where i dont care anymore about boyfriend,marriage or babies..i want to feel and think that its not end of the world if u cant achieve all that successfully. I still got few years to come until i reach 40 at least..whoa!
So until that phase comes, people around me need to just be extra patient with this bloody bitch attitude. I hope all those motivational books that bought from Big Bad Wolf 2012 could assist me..
Monday, 23 July 2012
Kids v/s fashion designer
biasala kan bulan posa ni..kalau xda post emo mmg x lengkap lah kan..nafsu di 'tested'..
well..nothing much..i just cant help it monitoring kids nowadays..
their thinking, their lifestyles, their perception, their belief..so the opposite..or is it me who entering the next phase and it is actually normal at their age? but then thinking back during my early 20s..i never really behaved that pain-in-the-ass with other adult(than my parents) kinda way..thank god!
haih..bosan la plak ckp psal depa ni..literally it got to do with the bridesmaid dresses that i tailored with this freshly graduated fashion designer and charged me with the runaway-newly-established price!and this massacred (because it involve text fighting and 'laser' remark and apparently she is my ex's sister gf!) has passed for quite some time..
It just trigger me back because i went to a new fashion designer recently for my last minute baju raya. He has joined MIFA,YODA and all those prestige runaways..not to forget establish name like RR, Hatta and all were together in the event! And guess what, he is charging the same as that so called fashion designer that i mentioned before!! I mean i wont mind looking at the paper cutting and charging me rm350 for a fashionable dresses..right?
that's what i meant..these kids, think they are so move forward and thinking about fast money. There's no more quality in work, services to customer (no matter what relation u have) and of course wont mind to get into a fight and lose it..u think people with your crap quality is only u in this country? There's lots and customer like me don't have a slightest problem in searching one..
Regardless, i really hope u will learn this lesson and not repeating it. It such a shame to lose a talented people like u just because u have less exposure of the real world..esp in tailoring business ;)
well..nothing much..i just cant help it monitoring kids nowadays..
their thinking, their lifestyles, their perception, their belief..so the opposite..or is it me who entering the next phase and it is actually normal at their age? but then thinking back during my early 20s..i never really behaved that pain-in-the-ass with other adult(than my parents) kinda way..thank god!
haih..bosan la plak ckp psal depa ni..literally it got to do with the bridesmaid dresses that i tailored with this freshly graduated fashion designer and charged me with the runaway-newly-established price!and this massacred (because it involve text fighting and 'laser' remark and apparently she is my ex's sister gf!) has passed for quite some time..
It just trigger me back because i went to a new fashion designer recently for my last minute baju raya. He has joined MIFA,YODA and all those prestige runaways..not to forget establish name like RR, Hatta and all were together in the event! And guess what, he is charging the same as that so called fashion designer that i mentioned before!! I mean i wont mind looking at the paper cutting and charging me rm350 for a fashionable dresses..right?
that's what i meant..these kids, think they are so move forward and thinking about fast money. There's no more quality in work, services to customer (no matter what relation u have) and of course wont mind to get into a fight and lose it..u think people with your crap quality is only u in this country? There's lots and customer like me don't have a slightest problem in searching one..
Regardless, i really hope u will learn this lesson and not repeating it. It such a shame to lose a talented people like u just because u have less exposure of the real world..esp in tailoring business ;)
move out and marriage
i think i need to move out from my parents house if i wanna believe in marriage and avoid negative perception deeply about man becoming husband. Sigh..
Monday, 25 June 2012
Test from Him
Thinking bout u might be the reason why they against it..hoping for u will just lead me to clueless..i couldn't figure out what is He try to show us..or at least show me..sign of stop or tests? Do i able to moved on and leave u alone bear all the tests He gave u..or us?
Would i be doing the right thing if i left or stay? Does true love really matter despite any other issues? Do i really care if u have nothing but love towards me..Does the flaws will haunt me in the future? Could i face it at that time? Would i regret? Or i could be happier than ever because what matter is how i felt when im with u..in sickness and health..
i dont know dear..everytime i pray to Him, i never stop asking to put an ends to this madness test..to cure u..to bring u back to me if we are meant to be so..
and after all the 'doa'..i still cant stop thinking of u and willing to support u..
is that a sign from Him? Means i still cant go? Ya Allah..berilah ku kekuatan..
Monday, 5 March 2012
Im JK now
Im JK now..
im now on:
1. Simply want to drive and listening to the heartbroken songs at Suria FM or Sinar FM..or better RED FM.. I know it wont do any good but i just enjoy the heartbroken while driving thing..
2. Reading the love story novels and deeply involved in it..till at times i brought it into reality of my life..and practically applied it..funny thing is..the reality always telly with the story..so..it suit..
3. Keep on staring at my picture..tried to screen and point out what is wrong or less beautiful that cause guys so hard to approach or want me..sigh..but then..everyone keep on sayin..: cantikla u ni..nape la u ni comel sgt..makes me like: what is wrong then?:|
4. Going crazy by looking at his BBM status updates..haih..
1. Simply want to drive and listening to the heartbroken songs at Suria FM or Sinar FM..or better RED FM.. I know it wont do any good but i just enjoy the heartbroken while driving thing..
2. Reading the love story novels and deeply involved in it..till at times i brought it into reality of my life..and practically applied it..funny thing is..the reality always telly with the story..so..it suit..
3. Keep on staring at my picture..tried to screen and point out what is wrong or less beautiful that cause guys so hard to approach or want me..sigh..but then..everyone keep on sayin..: cantikla u ni..nape la u ni comel sgt..makes me like: what is wrong then?:|
4. Going crazy by looking at his BBM status updates..haih..
Monday, 30 January 2012
Youth Love
its hard to find love that started since your youth time will end up in happily marriage..ok scratch that..a happily wedding at least.. doesn't matter, high school or varsity years..ok maybe not in my circle..
why ah?
perhaps when it started we had planted in our young brain that that was the real relationship?
or u thought that since we met him at university..so he is well educated..or at least he is gonna graduate with a scroll in his hand so he will get a secured job?
and we graduated..
and turn out finding job is not that easy..plus rich guys is not really your priority because stability is..and the love is still there..
i thought if im being loyal he will return the favor?but i did not know the favor was 3 years after that..
thats when i thought i should switched during the first 3 years..
so it continues because u can sense his loyalty now, so u thought yeah loyal guy is hard to find..
and it dragged until the 5th year..damn now he is entering the fun phase..he is socializing like crazy..dont care bout future..or commitment to be exact..and then u started to dont bother as well because now that ur working and having own money is so much fun to be spent..
and now it getting to the 7th years..and ur aging sign clearly visible..perhaps ur 25 by now..and that was your target during your varsity years..u didnt know that 25 is nothing to be rush at because ur life has just started..so marriage and kids?is not really a big concern since ur aiming to buy a car and pay the rent..
and now its the 9th years..u are fucking scary 28 y.o. your hormones are changing..keep dreaming bout holding ur own baby and having ur own house to decorate..hair falls severely attacked..stress multiple..and u now(actually since the 8th years) started pushing bout marriage and saving..fighting all the time because u dont know what is playing in his mind..does he not ready yet?or he worried bout money to plan a wedding?coz u damn sure its not bout other woman anymore..
by the time it enters th big 10..u dont know what had happened..ur not sure either its ok to lose the relationship?or its ok to lose him?its a 10 years knowing inside out relationship already..u feel such a waste..u dont look at other guys anymore and that is why they never approached u..and by the time u start looking u forgot the technique!!!DAMN!and u blame the age..the looks..or the maturity?plus the circle is changing now..ur 29y.o. its either anak ikan or ikan besar with baggage..
pathetic life?dont worry, this is just the love life..at the other hand the life is developed..the career is sky scraping..u even actually look prettier(perhaps by the help from the expensive skincare and clothes)..
but again..u cant help thinking and observing..all ur friends are not marrying the same 10th years relationship guy?!they even marrying a guy who they met in a flight..or recommended by friends and family..and it doesnt need a 10 years relationship to tie the knot..damn again..
sigh...
why ah?
perhaps when it started we had planted in our young brain that that was the real relationship?
or u thought that since we met him at university..so he is well educated..or at least he is gonna graduate with a scroll in his hand so he will get a secured job?
and we graduated..
and turn out finding job is not that easy..plus rich guys is not really your priority because stability is..and the love is still there..
i thought if im being loyal he will return the favor?but i did not know the favor was 3 years after that..
thats when i thought i should switched during the first 3 years..
so it continues because u can sense his loyalty now, so u thought yeah loyal guy is hard to find..
and it dragged until the 5th year..damn now he is entering the fun phase..he is socializing like crazy..dont care bout future..or commitment to be exact..and then u started to dont bother as well because now that ur working and having own money is so much fun to be spent..
and now it getting to the 7th years..and ur aging sign clearly visible..perhaps ur 25 by now..and that was your target during your varsity years..u didnt know that 25 is nothing to be rush at because ur life has just started..so marriage and kids?is not really a big concern since ur aiming to buy a car and pay the rent..
and now its the 9th years..u are fucking scary 28 y.o. your hormones are changing..keep dreaming bout holding ur own baby and having ur own house to decorate..hair falls severely attacked..stress multiple..and u now(actually since the 8th years) started pushing bout marriage and saving..fighting all the time because u dont know what is playing in his mind..does he not ready yet?or he worried bout money to plan a wedding?coz u damn sure its not bout other woman anymore..
by the time it enters th big 10..u dont know what had happened..ur not sure either its ok to lose the relationship?or its ok to lose him?its a 10 years knowing inside out relationship already..u feel such a waste..u dont look at other guys anymore and that is why they never approached u..and by the time u start looking u forgot the technique!!!DAMN!and u blame the age..the looks..or the maturity?plus the circle is changing now..ur 29y.o. its either anak ikan or ikan besar with baggage..
pathetic life?dont worry, this is just the love life..at the other hand the life is developed..the career is sky scraping..u even actually look prettier(perhaps by the help from the expensive skincare and clothes)..
but again..u cant help thinking and observing..all ur friends are not marrying the same 10th years relationship guy?!they even marrying a guy who they met in a flight..or recommended by friends and family..and it doesnt need a 10 years relationship to tie the knot..damn again..
sigh...
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