Marriage and its effect

Not to be judgmental, but I am more sure of myself that marriage doesn't guaranteed you happiness.

I have few gf that are having marriage problem at the moment and the tie mostly have been 8-10 years old. Its not that I'm taking their experience to be my guidance, but I always knew deep in myself that I don't trust the arrangement anymore. I mean me myself getting difficult in compromise with man and what else with the laws family? Iv realized that u can live happily with your family and friends and reach ur dream easier and in control with ur life.

Of course some say that I haven't found the right guy to switch my belief, and marriage is ibadah yg dituntut Allah, and ur getting pahala in doin that.

My point is, whats the use if after all the good deeds have been done, in the end there's possibility of discontinuity and unhappiness?

I mean man will always be man. There's always chances u'll be abandoned and the worst u stuck in an unhappy marriage. Woman will always be the one who have to feel ashamed even she dont have to. The one that will carry all the burden and not to lay eyes on other man or you'll be labelled.

But it gets funnier if the women managed to get married again and happier..then you'll be exempted from all those claims. I mean how and when would we know we are gonna be at that point and will we?

Things are much different compared to our parents time. Women were more patient and obey. They were dependent and scared of thinking that they will live alone as J.

Nowadays? No man, no trouble.

Happiness Contributor

It always about wrong time and wrong person.
The moment you feel so comfortable and happy, it always based on the wrong time and person.

How challenging is that?

For me, happiness is always number one. Il do anything to feel happy. Il hang out with friends, plan activities with families....Il spent time with people who can bring laughter to my face.

Il ignore any spoiler or heavy thoughts just for the sake to enjoy the happiness.

But, as I said..it always come with price..even time with your family..

For this one particular happiness contributor, I just like for once want to be selfish..Im enjoying this time and wont let it go. For whatever it takes..

I do not want to think bout people perception, bout someone else heartbroken..I just dont.

Because no matter how much i think bout all those things all this while,
no matter how iv being nice to people,
no matter how Im trying so hard not to hurt people's feeling,
eventually I will be tested by Him..

Hence, let me just enjoy this thing and be happy..

How could you..

It has been 18 days since the engagement day. We were back on the silence treatment mode. He did it again. I kena again. The most important thing Iv remind him so many times, never shut me out!! But he did it. Not once, but many times since before merisik.

At that time, when i were about to feel break into tears, my stronger Nadya came and told me that..You are strong Nadya, uv been endure this billionth time. Be patience. Handle it elegantly and professionally. This is the time to apply whatever you've been reading in the self motivational books.

Along the way, being me..I will always upload or express my thoughts and feeling at that time with quotes or pictures that linked to me. Of course, hoping that he will understand more. But he didnt. He keep on doing it.

So i sabar. It continues until 25th June.

I knew about he'll be coming down to bring is mom to IJN for her routine checkup.
And he whatsapp me that hes coming and like to meet me to pass the bekas hantaran and discuss things.
I was relieved! Finally sense gets into his mine to be a man and communicate.

I didnt know that night will be the last time Il becoming a fiance.

He totally block his mind and himself from any kind of discussion. Basically he only wanna hear what he wanna hear. Every time I try to explain with a very calm tone, he will block and snap it out. So, he is still the same. Frustration and red face was the only thing I could express. I gave up with this kinda attitude. He do not want to discuss a thing!!

And he ask, do I still wanna continue this engagement.
I said, of course! Yes we had a fight but that doesn't mean we have to give up.

I mean this is not high school weh! This has involved families! This has cost my pride and lots of money!

And he quoted ' I dont think we should'

I was about to feel..am I being dumped? No this is not a high school break up..This is real man. U could not simply ditch me after every only God knows.

U ask me to marry you. U met my parents to get me to marry u. And now u wanna end it as if I was nothing!

I continued my diner. Even I felt like swallowed sands.
I maintained my coolness. Deep inside I was totally shattered.

I ask if his parents knew about this.. and of course. Only immature man will do those kinda immature and selfish decision. They didnt know.

I brought him to meet his parents!! I wonder who is the man in the relationship.

Otw to the hotel, I called Nurul, tried to get some soothing words. I rasa mcm nak nangis..but I didnt. But I really need to talk to someone. My voice was shaking. She tried her best to calm me down and ask me to drive carefully. She advised to maintain my coolness and not to burst out. Show that im not the bad guy here.

In the room, was his uncle and his parents. Watching some drama. The actress was named Nadia in the drama. And the uncle joked about our similar name. And he said my name sounds like Indonesian name when I told him my full name.

So it started with his mom asked, hows preparation so far?
So I told her what did her son just ask.
And his parents surprised with the news.
I told his mom so many times...I never ever have a thought to end it. He wants it. He didnt even wanna stay in the hotel room to face the problem he had caused.

The mother ask me to calm down and not to worry. She will try to talk to her son.
She ask me not to tell my parents about it.
She even accompanied me to my car that was parked in the dark basement.
She said she will call.

On the way back, Zul returned my calls before. I share everything with him. He ask me to be patience and not to jump into conclusion. Things are not finalized yet and he said that the guy will come into his senses once hes okay.

I just felt relieved when he acted that way. He was not being bias. He know me so well and he did make me calm. He felt sorry for me. He just want me to be happy but I keep on being tested with all this bullshit.

I waited for 2 days.
I call, and the mother cant talk.

I wait for another 2 weeks. I still havent shared with my mom.
During those 2 killing weeks, I felt so vulnerable. I couldn't bear the thoughts of how my father would respond to the news. Iv been arranging my words on how to tell my parents.The engagement was not even last for a month! Decision like this would have been thought for some time, and uv decided to spill the shit after the engagement? Where is your senses?

After 2 weeks, the mom called me. I was at the office.
She said, her son still sticking to his words.
I wonder if she knocked her son's head and put some wise word in it. He is so childish.
She asked, do i want this too because thats what her son said so.
I said, if he can simply do things like this of course i feel scared already.
And again, I didnt ask for this ending!

I told my mom on the same day at night. I told her everything.
It took me 4 days to tell my father later on.

I dont think abah took it that well. He went up and being silence about it for days.

It was Ramadan, and I have never being tested that great before. Tarawikh was the only time and place I could feel calm. I said my prayers in silence to Him and ask for His guidance. It was the most memorable and meaningful Ramadan.

The parents took another 2 weeks to have guts to call my parents. And that was also after mama sms the shallow guy to face the situation. Abah agreed to meet up after raya.

16th August 2014.

Ayah Nyah and Mak Puan been so nice to join the discussion. Iv made a list of loss I have to bear by myself. Basically it was deposits and expenses that I have paid with my own money for the wedding preparation. The intention was to claim from his side since I wont gain any of it too.




And I just couldnt believe everything that had happened on that day.

Getting out of the country...

Urgghh reading about stupid people who dont know about why we are boycotting, really put me in a state where I could not think of something nice anymore.

Im getting frustrated with the country already. Actually dah lama..but the reasons keep on coming and increasing. And the idea of getting out the country getting greater.

With the unjust law, poor implementation, increasing crimes..and of course..the huge percentage of shallow citizen. I know people got the right to think and say anything, and exactly! I got the right to feel this way too. Sometimes dealing with shallow minded colleagues also play part to this frustration. U just tired to response because u know it getting nowhere and let them live in false.

I know we always need to be fair in our thoughts too, and I will make effort to read or ask bout the opposite info and opinion. And with that taken care of, I stand with my belief. My points are backed with facts and logic.

Okay..actually point dia..This idea of study or working abroad keep on lingering in my mind. K.Long plak dok bg support. And iv been doing some survey and research. Theres few ways in doing that. The only thing that hold me are:

1. My never ending Degree.. I know I should focus more on this from now on.
2. My monthly fixed expense..the car,asb,insurance,phone.. Whos gonna pay that?

Owh basically only this two. Im single and not gonna get married real soon..so this is my time!!
So how eh..I x sabar dah sbanrnya..

Friendship..

In my life, I dont really have lots of circle of friend actually.
Its either my sis's friends circle or my friends circle.

The etiquette of friendship is one of the most important thing in my life. I respect and obey the rules. Like no stealing people friends? No simply claiming people as BFF when u know they are not really up to your standard of BFF.

So, Im also sensitive to these issues. Esp if u feel u were not counted in the circle pun.. And I always have this thought because theres always someone or something that keep on remind me.
Honestly I pun penat lah to feel unappreciated and feel like I je yang beria..

So iv decided, lets break the circle. Let me myself with only me knowing, exit from the circle slowly.
Im sure my absent will not be realized pun.
Plus I still got my friends to be count on.

I mean whats the point if u can clearly witness that some people do not worship or appreciate u as their friends like u did pun. I dont know bout other people, but i cant tolerate that. I cannot accept knowing that we are not really been thought of.

Call me mega-sensitive bitch.
But i sedar diri.

For example, real friends will never forget to wish u 'Happy Birthday'. esp now it got flooded at your FB wall. Theres no way u could have missed it.

And, why does i never see my picture in ur IG or FB where else theres 'not really close friends' in it. And yet, when theres thing to talk about, I was all ears to u?

Im not complaining or mengungkit.. But it bothers me..So..

Kids of mine

Lately,

Whenever i see babies or kids with their parents holding hands or parents bring their kids to shop for baju raya or looking at the grumpy faces because they cant tolerate with their mommy's shopping spree..

Will get me in tears..

Not that bad coz i will hurriedly wipe it away..

Because i dont know if i will ever get that one big dream of mine to become true..

Because i dont know if il ever open my heart to trust a man anymore..

No more man.

It is not easy to live with a broken heart. And this heart has been mended for thousand times. Like a broken glass, it wont be that strong anymore.

I had so much things that need to let go but instead it keeps remained in my heart and mind. At some point I managed to forget it and just live happily. But it didn't stay that way for so  long because there's always something or someone who will trigger it back and put me back in the past.

I will never recover. I just survived. But i can never recover and I could never love or accept a man in my life. I will destroy them mentally. End up they will hurt me. Basically I myself caused it. Hence, I know I shouldn't put marriage as one of my goal in my life. Im not capable of accepting a man to be part in my life. There's always something that will make me live in doubt based on past experience. I will always in alert. I didn't let it flow and relax. Im a wreck-ship with so many flaws. No man can handle that.

I should proceed with my plan before all this started again. I was actually okay living single and kinda accept it already. Im prepared to live alone. Until he came and I gave him and myself chance to get hurt again.

I will buy a house and adopt a baby.

I have family and friends for me to turn to. They love me. I can rely on them. I dont think I need another stranger man come and ruined it.

At the moment im still in heartbroken-bitter-dark condition. But it will past. It always does. I always moved on. But then yeah..I wont recover. All this bitter memory will come and visit me once in a while and push me aback again. I dont think there's any man can handle that. Because in the end, all they ever wanted is women to think about them all the time. Seriously im tired of thinking bout that anymore. When will I be cared?

The doomed day continues..

Listening to recitation is the perfume of the souls, the calmer of hearts, and the food of the spirit. Is is one of the most important psychological medicines. It is a source of pleasure, even to some animals – and pleasure in moderation purifies inner energy, enhances the functioning of the faculties, slows down senile decay by driving out its diseases, improves the complexion, and refreshes the entire body. Pleasure in excess, on the other hand, makes the illnesses of the body grow worse.

Abu Nu’aim states, in his Tib an-Nabbi, that the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said that the benefits of listening to recitation are increased when it is understood – that is, when its meaning is understood. 

Allah Himself says:…so give good news to My slaves, those who listen to the word and then follow the best of it…(Qur’an: 39.17-18) 

Source: As-Suyuti’s Medicine of the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam)

Last night tarawih(2nd July) proves this.

The imam was 2nd runner up for National Qari competition. 

His recite almost make me in tears. Rasa sebak sangat.. After few days that thing happened, i knew i can find peace during this Ramadan by get involved with Allah's activity.
I felt better..
Then I didnt.

Then I feel like crying all the time.. I cant focus at work.. I keep on questioned and blaming myself..
I read somewhere that we should not take everything personally by blaming ourselves. Its not us, its them. But of course u cant help it from thinking why does ur life keep ended like that..dont u?
I had enough. I gave up. But i still tried.. End up it will just be the same. I should have continued being gave up right?

I do think things happened for reasons. I thought iv found the reason but it didnt went smoothly too. Should I sacrifice more years in my life and continue waiting? 

I know we shouldnt push and put too much hope in anything and just let it be. But im not that kind of person. I like to plan and not being unprepared..

Ya Allah..help me..guide me

Love is all that needed.

I longed for..

someone who feel proud walking next to me.
someone who'll feel happy waking up next to my horror face.
someone who willing to share my laughter and tears.
someone who willing to listen to my never ending conscious and stupid doubt.
someone who calm my nervous wreck with his words.
someone who share his hard and fun times with me.
someone who understand that my nags is because i care.
someone who stay and fight for the relationship.

all this will only works if only..

That someone really love me unconditionally.
That's all needed.

Me. Heartbroken. Again

Basically my feeling at the moment.

Call me expressive, i thought thats important.. 

Compared to shut down?

Fun thing to do.. age 31 life crisis.

I think i need to do or search for some fun activity lah..
activities that will make me feel im living my life again..

Gym ke eh? Idk..maybe..it was fun though..except that i need to settle the remaining fees :|

Singer?
I cant stop thinking those 2 offers that will always haunted me with regrets.
One: 3piece band at Eastin hotel. But seriously i think il have a showmanship problem. Believe it or not..i sangat lah malu and kaku on stage :D
Two: Offered to do recording for single.. The prob was must based in JB. But the composer would like to promote the song as drama or film soundtrack.. My biggest regret ever. But how lah to quit job and stay in JB? Sapa nak bayaq my expenses every month? huhu..sedey sangat.

So, now iv been thinking what should i get myself into without conflicted my permanent boring job. Hmmm..
Iv tried business on my own before..Iv tried FB business..iv tried baby clothing booth business..

Should I get back to my own trading business? abah mentioned it last weekend as if he knew iv been thinking bout it too. The problem is, with this inflexible working method in this company, how can i go out and meeting client or looking for jobs? And with the new MOF system that required an office now, will i able to allocate few amount from my basic salary to pay the monthly rent? All reason seems risky.

But seriously i feels my life is getting dull now.
With no partner to act as one.. Im basically living like singles. With parents.

I feel like taking risk and renting for my own place.
Financially it does not allowed it, but at least there's something new to venture into.

Hmmmmmmm...

Work Sucks!

Honestly, i dislike my job here.
I dont hate it, but theres no motivation or attraction that could wake me up early in the morning with happy heart.
Everyday, i dont feel like going to work.

It got to do with the uninteresting benefit here..no  mileage claim and no commission. And of course typical Bumiputera company. Poor management and implementation. I think i had enough working in a bumiputera company already.
Basically what im earning here is a basic salary to pay my expenses monthly and another year of working experience. Thats it. No extra income..no fun.

Maybe the only positive thing that i can think of is that with this working experience related to Oil n Gas industry..it could be my stepping stone to a big company..like Petronas. Iv always wanted to work in Petronas. With their benefits and pay and yes experience..I could see myself settling down there.

And its nearer to my house. Like 10 minutes away?

But how long can i endure this 'takda hati' working here..

Unhappy things actually can bring yourself down worst than u think of. It affect my mood, my motivation and my behavior too!

Dear God, help me with this. I know iv been asking too much with little return to U...but please help me giving solution on this.TQ

Song

This song brings lots of meaning.
What happened in your past somehow could jeopardize ur future though. My advise to the young ones. Never got ur heart broken too many times. It might got recovered but it never healed. Things happened in ur past will become ur guidance and lesson. Some might caused good but some not.

I think heartbroken could caused negative impact where ul lose faith and trust in guys. It makes u become independent and started to thing that u can embrace the life living on ur own. Like mine, i gave up on guys and started to plan my life living alone. A house of my own and adopted baby was in the plan.

Until, my now fiance came in and changed the whole plan and idea. I never took it wholeheartedly because im still haunted by the toxic experience.

Therefore, what i need is constant assurance that this is real and reliable. This could make u live more happily compare to living alone. This could be the right future.

And i think, to do that..ur partner should not be selfish and thinking bout what he had in his past too. Because, ur a guy! No matter what, u owned the first move. Not us woman. We need to trust more and convinced more. Or it will make no difference either ur there or not.

well at least to a woman like me.

I agreed tolerance if the most important thing. Perhaps too much tolerance could make u feel unworthy. Whats the point of being a partner in a relationship and not being pampered by your guy.

Pampered here is very subjective.
Many of my friends would know, im not the kind who will go for material or physical. Im the kind who look for real love and yeah unfortunately hopeless romantic.
My definition of pampering is all about communication, sharing, trust, care and love. It do sound cliche but thats who i am. Im expecting birthday wish and thoughts rather than a birthday cake.

Hence, thats is my tolerance. I dont count how much money u earn but im calculative on how much time u spare for me. If i feel im not being cared, I will automatically count as im not being loved.

But again, too much of it could make u feel unworthy.

Emotional heart

i watched wedding video clips..i cried..
i listened to CT's song..i cried..
i send my E invitation trough whatsapp..i cried..

WTF is happening to me.. ni baru E, belum solemnization..duh..
i get so emotional on few things lately..
and im super happy excited preparing myself for the day..

Like this Friday iv scheduled myself with facial, mani pedi and hair treatment..
On Saturday I need to pick up the cake, the fruits and the chandelier..
Owh btw abah has successfully be a gem completed the simple, elegant yet awesome dais. I was like sooo touched! (no sharing now..x surprise lah)

Will keep updating!
xoxo

this is how it started..

I am so glad im back in love with my BF again..pheww..

So 16 more days to go to get engaged. Now i can do the wed/E preparation with lovely feelings and berbunga2.. haha

My BFF asked me last night while we chillin', am I ready to get married actually because she thinks im not. Maybe because of this non-stop arguments between us.

I said, honestly I AM ready.

I dont think i have problem to be loyal,faithful and commit. That's for start which I think the most important thing to think before u settled down. There's no such thing as enjoy habis2an before married..NO! U must slowly transit and changed the lifestyle, behavior and thinking. A friend of mine now being haunted by her not so past before married regrets because afraid that it might happened to her children. Don't do that. Changed before u decided to get married.

I argued because I care. I care because I accept him. I scared thinking that this is just another wrong man. Iv been haunted with my long-term-toxic-rship and i do not wanna get trapped again. My experience with mans always guarded me. And I believe arguments is the best way for me to get to know my BF more. Because thats how I last for 10 years in my prev rship. Because along the years Iv learnt bout my ex inside out and it makes me loved and be patient with him more. So thats the only way. Actually we just knew each other last Sep 13 even we'v met in 2001. And he proposed in Jan 14. And our parents met each other in Feb. And now wer getting engaged in June. Honestly, yes I feel tied to him so the only way to make this work is by improving it. By arguments :p

Iv realized that im getting better at listening to people's advise, patient more and tolerate. I took time to think and respond. Iv learnt respect is needed. Im more responsible to my earning.

Things that I didnt possessed before.

So im getting mature myself and its a sign for me that Im ready to have kids of my own. I didnt inherit my mama's tahap kesabaran yang maha tinggi. But iv excel in other areas. I believe I am. I believe Il be a good mother.

Thats enough for me to be ready to get married dont u think?
Of course different people carried different perspectives. For me, all above is such a BIG achievement in my life.. and I valued myself as best wife and mother material.

Enjoy la habis2an during your youth years..not because ur gettin married.
Do not get married at young age because trust me u still nak enjoy habis2an.

And i said this because of my experience with my life and circles.

Paris van Java

I did shop till drop and broke.

                                               

So me, fara, mama n afif went to Bandung for my enggagement and wedding cloth hunting.

We finished RM2300 in one store for lace,tulle,satin clothes. Yeap. 

And im pretty sure if we bought the same amount of clothing here in Malaysia the cost will rise up to 40%. Yeap.

So its worth it.

Owh not forget to mention that i spent another RM700 for the FOS.. Daymn son.

But it is still worth it because i got an authentic Ralph Lauren Polo shirt for him for RM70. I bought 2. :D

Tu x msuk tempah lg okeh..

Check balance kat cimb clicks sat.. 😅

Some people in my life

Some people:

1. Live in denial just to admit their wrongs, until something happened. Even then, they wont agreed with our words. They 'll say that's what we called experience.
2. Being defensive because they are too proud too admit the obvious fact. Let the greater power suppress more and more until what will be left only their words.
3. Afraid to try or change the routine because of some people or situation..
4. Too blend with the cultural.
5. Some experience are meant to be regretted. Because it affect the future.
6. Sorry doesn't mean anything.. It will be repeated.

The syndrome

Remember this film?

Okay..Im not gonna touch on the fights or Kate or Anne..

I wanna relate myself with their preparation towards the big day. Because I think Im experiencing the same thing right now..

Owh my..where should I start..

Or to be exact..when did it start? Im pretty sure it started after he ticked me with the ring. And after dengue. Yeap I get emotional because he only visited me one time! O N E!! And since then I never get recover..

Its not bout BIG things honestly..its about communication, sharing, effort and interest. Yeap sound simple but it is not because its general and subjective. But actually it can help because of its generality u can ask for advise or read. In case ur too ignorant and never care bout these area before.

I mean lets do this together! Okay ur far..so communicate!!

Walk the talk.. and update each other.. sharing!!

Again walk the talk..theres a reason why we discuss and plan..effort!!

Are u really in this? show fucking interest!!

Im a bit worried day by day because im the who feel do not want to communicate anymore, mals nak sharing.. no effort toward the rship anymore..and my only interest is on the wedding..not him anymore.

Im glad when i checked with my newly married girlfriends that it is normal!! Phew..

It will faded and gone once he shake the kadi's hand. And the post effect will be the opposite of it.

Lets just pray and pray..that this is only temporary..

Because i do not wanna waste all the money..and yeah pride.

Mystery Tragedy

Im a bit scared to write down my thoughts this time..because its involved country issues..I mean externally..
I dont mind bang on the internal politic issue though ;D

Its about the tragedy plane of MH370.
From the first day, I and abah had discussion and he finalized it with crash. Thats it. He is the kind who only consider facts and experience. So he wouldnt go for any controversial theory.

While from my point of theory, I have always have this fishy feeling that it is more than that.
Okay with Allah's willing and power, kun fa ya kun.. if He wanted it , it will eventually happened.
But, lets do some controversial theory and I end up with these:

1. Why Malaysia airline?
2. MAS have a clean record and this will be the 2nd tragedy in its record.
3. Why Beijing flight? It must got to do with the route or destination or passenger perhaps?

I always believe it is got to do with countries dispute. Either its among Russia,US,China and the 'tan's countries. Especially looking at the track and new findings every time, i mean what the heck?! Why cant the findings done urgently and could get the result in 3 days. So no other country citizen will get mad, no controversial accusation will be made. Im referring to those who have the technology and capability on the satellite or radar and all. For me it seems like buying time.

So my silent theory have developed based on the same thinking been shared in blogs and FB. I tried to relate the updated news in Awani and the aggressive theory in FB. I would say, some can do and some not.

But I knew, since day 1, there will be no good news in term of living survivor. I have to agreed with Abah with this. Because even since day 1, the way the plane couldnt be tracked at all even after 6 hours is something else. And it continues almost a week until someone help and start giving acceptable infos.

I understand it takes time to do the analysis, but why dont it started since day 1? Why does suddenly we knew about the active ping and now only Paris authority help us on the direction towards the Indian Ocean.

I dont know. I just feel something is not right here.
Its like someone do not want the aircraft to be found and everyone inside to be 'erased'.

Its an eye opener tragedy for Malaysia.
Many lesson we should learn from the tragedy.
Or its Allah punishment for something the country did?


Wallahua'lam.
Al-Fatihah and deepest condolence to the victim's family and friends.

The preparation

It is cute when ur father seems like over excited to plan ur wedding.

But it is not when he seems to forget that its MY wedding!

Now, plus with less coperation from the other side too, im not that into planning the dream wed. 

So i wonder, how did other couples managed to have fun do the planning? Seriously in my case, everything seems to become tawar already..

 And i feel like focusing on my work rather than look into the preparation.. Huh.

Dugaan awal tahun..

I was diagnosed and warded for dengue hemmorhage fever for almost 2 weeks. I was warded for 5 days and the rest i have to recovered by myself which was damn challenging.

I seriously never thought this virus could give me near death experience. Yea seriously.. I cant eat, sleep.. I had hallucination.. I was so weak.. Theres liquid inside my lungs so i can breath properly.. It even attacked my liver.. 

Regardless, i always believe theres reasons why i survived and God gave me chance to continue living. It was a test. And theres always good return out of it. Like how the experience wake me up and think about death more. I quit smoking for now and hopefully permanent. Because iv felt how hard for u to breath when u have affected lungs. I think the virus have killed my allergy!! Good news ever! Iv tried and ate prawns and squid last weekend and turn out to be true! Theres no appearance of red rashes pimple kinda look on my face! Yeay!!

The most, i almost forgot how great is mother touch. Because of her i got strength.. Had bath after 3 days.. Shampooed my hair after 3 days.. She flushed the toilet when i was vomitting and diarrhea at the same time. Been forced to drink up the taste from hell papaya leaf juice.. Ate more than 2 spoon of rice.. Yeap i felt the love and care from mama after many years of being adult. At that time, i swore to myself.. I will return her favor when her time comes. 

Theres always good thing happened after a great challenging test. InshaAllah.

Dating Advise

I like to share something about people's advise..
I like to think as I am the kind of person who eventually will listen to advise. Of course I wouldn't show it. I will act defensive and point out my view..But at the end of the day, back in my room or while driving..I will analyzed all the advise and put it in action.

So, Iv been advised by so many people and so many things.. Because they love me and because the content is TRUE!
Some of the points that I believe affected me much are:

1. Never give up and lose hope. Love wont find u by it self. Do some extra effort or out of normal thing that u do. So i tried the dating apps and opened my eyes while having my coffee at Coffee Bean.

2. U will bump into the kind of guy based on how u live ur life. If ur still living in 'zaman jahiliah' then u will always bump into bastards. So i quit few things and start something, but i still went to have fun with my girls. Then the better guys start coming in, even they didnt last long.. until it is 'his' turn ;)

3. Read and believe the books! Really it guides u! There might be some info that not suited with our culture and religion, but the morale parts matter. I did follow some of the guides like 'think like a man' and respect is the most important thing in relationship. Seriously i never thought respect will play as a main role. But then it did lessen the arguments, the worries and the doubt.

4. Listen to ur girlfriends judgement. They see what u dont wanna see. Trust them.

5. Dont aim tooooooo high. Unless u are supermodel or something. But still, even if u are, it wont mean a thing if u cant cook, dependent, senang cita , have u watched the America next top model? Yes exactly. I think pretty girls have the most flaws.

6. Doa to Allah. I always believe the last part of our prayer is the magical part. I feel that god did answer some of my prayers if we wholeheartedly asked. :)

Fuck up.

One situation that could hurt me:

When u all ears to someone problem and tried the best to act caring and sincerely did it.

BUT

When it come to your turn, that someone never care.

Now u get why i hate to be a good listener?

So fuck up.

The day he proposed

4th January 2014

It all started with a perfect kisses. Like we always did everytime he hop inside my car at the bus station.

And the sweet day begin..

We spend the day watching movie and snuggle and cuddle.. Full with hugs and kisses.

Until our stomach ring the alarm and we heade to the ridiculous overpriced and unworthy chicken rice in Bukit Bintang.

Both of us were complaining.

Time for dinner!!

I put my mascara and hot red lipstick on. Struggling put on the fake eyelash 

(which was the most time consuming)

And he was there. Watching me get ready. Act like an expert commenting my wear off fake eyelash. He is such a girly in that way. He used to put makeup on me once and turn out not that bad!! 

Weird sayang..

I slip into my bareback dress. And he look at me in awe. Compliment non stop as he always do. Say how comel and beautiful i am when i was cautious with my bulging belly. Hug me from behind and sniffing like a pet..

The food was awesome!

Every little bit about the dinner was perfect.

With the right ambience and soothing music. Handsome guy in front of me with his manly hand gripping mine.

Then he started with words that hes been trying and practising to put in one beautiful speech. Apparently he did. Because the moment he finished, all my doubt gone with the wind. All questions on uncertainty slip away and replaced by his convincing words.

He took off my HnM 3 links rings and took only the gold ring band.

And he put the ring on it-beyonce

Haha yea he did.

The next moment will be the most unforgettable moment in my life time.

We look and lost into each other for like half a minute.. Smiling :)

We even dreaming bout our son's features!! The only part from me was my cheek. Yea.

And we talked more about our future planning and seriously talk on setting the 'merisik' part.

And we were soo happy.

Kissing again.

Im no longer a pathetic single phariah.

Its 2014!!

I feel like my prayers has been answered by Allah s.w.t.
I think 2014 is gonna be a lovely year that will be filled with full of loves. I believe I have found a reliable, faithful and lovely man.
Heading to the every woman's dream is such a new and exciting experience for me. I never thought that I will be able to tolerate with a man and even worse he made me realize that i am egoist and stubborn.. and it did open my mind to think about it.

And its gonna be an overwhelming working journey, InshaAllah. Really looking forward for an expatriate opprtunity ;) ..It will be such a valuable and money booster experience. 

Even my frustration towards the cost of living become greater, there's nothing much I can do more, except creating awareness to other ignorant people and eventually could put some weight on those stupid decision makers.

Well, thats about it.
It was okay so far.. and hoping for a better journey.
Happy New Year!!