Newme.

Merry Christmas to those who are supposed to celebrate and also to those who shouldn't but thought what the heck..its just a tree..yea.. Go ahead..whateva.

5 more days to go to new year!! to next year!! to 2013!! to 30. Me.

I literally cant wait to celebrate the new year eve despite not knowing what the year will bring me into. I guess life is fun on its own. Too much strict planning and hesitation will ruin the adventure of it. What matter is ORGANIZING! that was what iv been doing. (at least that what i thought) :D

If u plan to live your life without organizing? might as well u just live in the jungle, where u don't care about work or house or your car! Owh i do care about my 2012 Resolution..yea remember? I think iv ticked most of it. Okay im not gonna track back the list..but let see how was my achievement..

1. Gym
I did assign for it!!!yeay me!!! even i stop visiting it after the fasting month (that was the excuse). I know i shouldn't when i did experienced result..My body was slimmer and light..and i sang better too. u know from the breathing exercise..perhaps next year il continue in my own apartment with the gym provided downstairs..pfft :)

2. House
Ookkaayy..i supposed to start with car which at least will explained the non-ticked house. If im not mistaken i did put it either car or house, didnt i? yeay so car it is! im sure and hope il get the my own house for living on next year.

3. Car
Yeayy...i got a new car...lets deliberate it more on later post..the main point is i finally finished paying my old beloved padaiyapa and intent to keep it by passed it to afif..and successfully bought a new car!!

4. Debt free
Well i like to put aside the new car and on going repayment PTPTN so i will think as im a debt free woman!! I have no credit card and i survived!!

I pretty sure that was the main points.
Apart from it..well u know..wedding..marriage..kids..bla bla..
I guess my planning to start producing babies on my 30 so that the eldest will be 20 when im 50 didnt really work out. But its okay..i totally okay with it..
I know its sounds weird when i just like totally crossed during my previous post regarding this topic..haha
But seriously..im okay already..yes. :)

I just had this new perspective.. Well it happened since i started to read those motivational hormones books i guess..and it continued with the Carrie novel, Summer and the City..and the climax was yesterday!Yes yesterday while i was helping my CEO and as usual once finished we like to talk bout man and woman. I suddenly felt everything we talked about all this while has taking effect.

I never appreciate the advantages of being single. All i ever complained was about my age,hormones,not getting married and not having kids..

I didn't know that how much trouble and fuss i have avoided when in relationship. Don't bullshit and tell me no its not. Even i was only in one serious relationship, but throughout the years iv been with many man and boys. I could be happier by not being controlled and needed explanation over stupid things where guys like to brought up when actually they did it all the time. E.g: not answering the phone..duh!

I could go anywhere i like. Surprisingly u may not realize this, but your parents even permit easier than the boyfie. The heck..macamla da kawin..and of course when ur married..apatah lg la kan..i pity to those girls who married a possessor freak. U cannot go anywhere!!! and yet by he went out with the boys until late night seems like a point that shouldn't be questioned! The fuck. I could not tolerate that. My principle is simple. Man and woman are equal in everything. Why must we agreed with them saying it vice versa?

Freedom with your friends, family and even stranger!!;) Why do people cheat?both sex. Because it natural and syaitan tu ada. Unless u really ready to settle down and even forgot to stalk hunkies walk right in front u, then i agreed this is not a prob. But if u feel to wear as if u singles and attraction by opposite sex other than ur hubby is needed..then u are trapped!and i feel terribly sorry to this group.. I could go to a cafe or club and flaunt whatever i have to be flaunted and flirt. I can have fun by doing this and the feeling that u still on the market without doubt, is the best ever.

The insecurity that i will posses if i married is the hideous of them all. Holding ur guys hands as if he will run away is pathetic. I could sense and track this kinda movement. Honestly im so mad when it comes this kind woman. Cant u feel good of urself and be superior at ur work or even home!? U could work and earn the same. U have the same quality inside out. At home u could do more by know how to cook and taking care the house and kids. Why must u feel unprotected when ur guy turn out to be unexpected. Let them be! With all the criteria u possessed u could live by yourself and even control the world!

That is why i feel so relieved not to have to go through all this stress source.
Happiness is myself.
I designed and destined it how i want it to be.
I dont want to be happy based on a man.
I dont have to rely on man's money to live.

One day it will come naturally. And i will have kids on my own. InshaAllah. :)

another attack

This 3 series age attack is getting serious. Im sure some out there might been saying silently in their head 'puhlis la minah ni...x abih2 3 series..3 series...' Huh hello minah...wait until u experience it urself. Im not surprised if someone who is weak might get depression or mental illness!

Okay. Its my first day period. I dont really understand whats happening to me. To my mind. I feel so stupid to feel vulnerable like this. Im a bitter person terribly. I know im not that friendly either, but at least i didnt hate everyone around me before.

All i ever wanted is my own space..and things goes smoothly. and i do not want to get irritated by being shadowed with other people's achievement or happiness. Im not the kind who will become a hater of someone's good thing happening. Or maybe because it being shadowed by a few specific reason..like boyfriend,marriage or baby..sigh..

I wish i can smile more like iv always known as. Im always a smiley girl. Now im a pouting,sulking face and i dont even look good with the double chin and whatnot. I dont care to look good anymore. I still do my hair and body scrub, but i just dont bother to look good or outstanding when at outside. I do less makeup, and sometimes i dont even!

U know what i really want? I want my face to look glow and brightening by itself so that i dont have to put makeup anymore. I wanna my body to keep on maintain just okay like this without me to diet like stupid teenage girls or control what i wanna eat! I wanna my own house! Owned!! I wanna a new car!!

Owh talking about car..finally alhamdulillah after several stupid bloody banks issue, CIMB had been kind enough to offer me with the loan. Why i should be pissed? I have no commitment at all!!I have no debt! and my salary is enough to pay a brand new car. The reason was because i had record with ccrs and i have no financial pattern record. The fuck?

And no one knows and would understand how this car is the savior of my broken mind at the moment. Seriously. All i really wanna is changes or NEW! and now i have it. This car is the symbolic of i can stand on my own. I have nothing to lose as a single. I can achieve what i want. I have better property. and i can go whenever i want!!!

I cant wait for this 'phase' to pass..seriously..i cant wait to be at that point where i dont care anymore about boyfriend,marriage or babies..i want to feel and think that its not end of the world if u cant achieve all that successfully. I still got few years to come until i reach 40 at least..whoa!

So until that phase comes, people around me need to just be extra patient with this bloody bitch attitude. I hope all those motivational books that  bought from Big Bad Wolf 2012 could assist me..

Enough is Enough!!!!

Seriously im not in the mood to listen or read any story or excitement of getting married or dealing with kids or expecting or whatever..

Last time all these made me sedih and auwww nak jugakkk... And meratap life i...

But lately i was like bleh diam x!!! Puhlis la jaga baby pn bising.. Hello suma org nk ada baby and thankful for having them.. Xyah nk over..

Xyah nk beria sgt plan wedding bleh x? As if u gonna gain happiness!duh! Marriage is hell, dont bullshit me laa..

P/s: theres less money in the acc+no life+ no boyfriend for real!!

Thats why.. :|

Car v/s house

Last friday i went to Nissan car dealer at Subang Perdana after give up with Padaiyappa few attempts in draining my money in the banks every month now..
Yea i really2 shouldn't have said it out loud.. I don't care if u called it a myth, unfortunately its happening to me! And it is true..
So i went and immediately submit the application for Nissan X Gear. ( of course iv surveyed and ran through it before)..

So now i have indirectly make up my decision to for the car, i guess sayonara to the house the ? :( huhu.. I wish i could have both!!!:,(
Since its gonna happened that way, i guess i pretty much need to do something to fulfill my unmet needs.. I think i need a major makeover for my room to become like one that i have always plan for my new house.. It seems like I'm gonna stuck here for few more years.. So the least i can do is stuck with pleasant i guess :p
Im gonna start this new project next week, owh no raya haji!!! Okayy the next following week then..

But the decision might twisted again if the car did not went through with zero downpayment? ;)

i must go these places in : LONDON

Big Ben: London's Clock Tower

Tower Bridge Exhibition

National Gallery @ Trafalgar Square

London Eye

                  

Harrods                           Victoria and Albert Museum       Oxford Street

Millennium Bridge

London Tube

Cancer guy

All this while i always thought that cancerian is always the loyal, lovable and caring one..

I was wrong. Well at least i was wrong bout the guy.. They are damn flirtatious and not really that loyal!! Seriously it gave me shock!! Well one because i always wanted to try with a cancer guy since i thot yea he might be no difference with me so i guess everything could be better since we understand each other well..

So lately iv met them.. And i even thought they are gemini at first!! Yea!!

Then i got attached with one in romantic way.. Ok then i can feel the cancerian effect..only the bad news was hes in relationship of 6 yrs with a long distance gf.. Hmm seem like we heard of this kinda story before? Typical cancer!!

I should have always stick to my principe. I know i cant do it. I know i cant tolerate with the fact thats he is actually love n care other girl while keep on having this maniac thinking that im just a temp to fill in between their dating dates!

So it actually ended last night by me!! As always. Yeah i dont think i should keep on hurting myself and i actually allowed it!! And listen to his explanation and thoughts actually killed me slowly. He was a good one except that he is not meant for me. Im sorry but im not really think bout that other girl really.. Bcoz i just have this new perspective where a persons' happiness and destiny are not necessarily finalize in one and the first rship only..but, we might have destined to continue with other partner. Well it just my thoughts from my observation..

So, if, let say i eventually end up with someone else boyfriend or husband( mintak simpang) i must believe that my happiness maybe was written to be with him. Karma is another thing. Karma is when u purposely hurting people not when u has been tested non stop upside down and all u want is the answer!

Cancer= ticked and crossed

He always in my heart

No one actually knows.. Theres one thing that even me never know the reason or what had possessed me that hardly fade when it comes to him..

I always have that little tiny hope about our future..

I always silently talk to myself that dont worry he always the worst case after constantly being hurt in other terrible rship.. And yet i always feel relieved when i know i still got him..weird much..?

Wait till if u know the crazy things that wev been through.. Its beyond ur imagination n acceptance..

I dont know.. I never really wanna believe that wer meant to be together bcoz i always hope that il end up with someone else.. bcoz im afraid that the previous chapter will repeating again in the future.. And i dont really read books twice..il get bored!

But then again till that someone else comes, im used to hang on him.. So no matter what people around gonna say or against, i actually do feel happy when it comes to him.. His voice could sooth me.. His laugh make me calm.. And our conversation make me missed him even more..

In the meantime, il love myself more..because im a princess 😘

Life is not fair.

Life is not fair when people who dont even serious in rship n cheating like hell however end up with a boyfriend.

Life is not fair when people who never thought bout settle down however got proposed n agreed bcoz friends in the cycle is settling down too..

Life is not fair when all i want is getting pregnant n raised my child but other people who are not even talk bout kids got the chance to do so..

When it will be fair to me?

Kids v/s fashion designer

biasala kan bulan posa ni..kalau xda post emo mmg x lengkap lah kan..nafsu di 'tested'..

well..nothing much..i just cant help it monitoring kids nowadays..

their thinking, their lifestyles, their perception, their belief..so the opposite..or is it me who entering the next phase and it is actually normal at their age? but then thinking back during my early 20s..i never really behaved that pain-in-the-ass with other adult(than my parents) kinda way..thank god!

haih..bosan la plak ckp psal depa ni..literally it got to do with the bridesmaid dresses that i tailored with this freshly graduated fashion designer and charged me with the runaway-newly-established price!and this massacred (because it involve text fighting and 'laser' remark and apparently she is my ex's sister gf!) has passed for quite some time..

It just trigger me back because i went to a new fashion designer recently for my last minute baju raya. He has joined MIFA,YODA and all those prestige runaways..not to forget establish name like RR, Hatta and all were together in the event! And guess what, he is charging the same as that so called fashion designer that i mentioned before!! I mean i wont mind looking at the paper cutting and charging me rm350 for a fashionable dresses..right?

that's what i meant..these kids, think they are so move forward and thinking about fast money. There's no more quality in work, services to customer (no matter what relation u have) and of course wont mind to get into a fight and lose it..u think people with your crap quality is only u in this country? There's lots and customer like me don't have a slightest problem in searching one..

Regardless, i really hope u will learn this lesson and not repeating it. It such a shame to lose a talented people like u just because u have less exposure of the real world..esp in tailoring business ;)

move out and marriage

i think i need to move out from my parents house if i wanna believe in marriage and avoid negative perception deeply about man becoming husband. Sigh..

My pinky sweetheart birthday party 2012

This has always been my dream birthday party.. What exactly? Someone organize a birthday party for me.. From the invitation to the ending.. At least i had 'taste' it before i finished my 20s era.. Gosh time flies..

And here i am felt like haven't achieved anything yet.. Except maybe for the debt free of credit cards and my loyal car gonna join end of this year YEAY!! Okla ada la gak achievement before i enter to 3 series ye x? Theres people at my age still haunted by debt..so Alhamdulillah..

And now im strongly eager to buy my own house..iv been surveying at my fav area shah alam and kota damansara..insyAllah this is one of my big 2012 resolution.. I will try my beat to settle with this one..

Okay back to the party.. It was a small, lovely and pretty one..and i will remember till the end of life..

Feel it :)

InstaMe!!:)

I just bought an iPhone last 2 weeks!!! Owh im so happy..i always meant for iPhone..u can take away iphone from me but u cant take away iphone in me :D

And i knew bout Instagram since it been created( not since it been famous) and im so loving it..and my addiction towards photography n pictures become greater!! Tx to the fab editing apps, i feel like selling my HARDWORK art ~^^~ hihi..

So pls enjoy some of the so called artistic work of mine..

Im kinda in lovey dovey mood even without the love around.. But hey it cant stop the idea from it.. So i made pics of ours last night..:)

Test from Him

Thinking bout u might be the reason why they against it..hoping for u will just lead me to clueless..i couldn't figure out what is He try to show us..or at least show me..sign of stop or tests? Do i able to moved on and leave u alone bear all the tests He gave u..or us? 


Would i be doing the right thing if i left or stay? Does true love really matter despite any other issues? Do i really care if u have nothing but love towards me..Does the flaws will haunt me in the future? Could i face it at that time? Would i regret? Or i could be happier than ever because what matter is how i felt when im with u..in sickness and health..


i dont know dear..everytime i pray to Him, i never stop asking to put an ends to this madness test..to cure u..to bring u back to me if we are meant to be so..


and after all the 'doa'..i still cant stop thinking of u and willing to support u..
is that a sign from Him? Means i still cant go? Ya Allah..berilah ku kekuatan..

missing you..

i guess on that day..il be only missing u..
if no one bother bout it as usual..il be only missing u..
if i don't feel loved and cared..il be only missing u..


because only u..


always remember that day..
always bother to let me know that u remember..
always love and care about me endlessly..

before-->30<--after

u know what scares me most about 3 series..its not really the number..but the consequences (i would describe it) of it..the pregnancy chances, the illness and the most the changed perception automatically changed goal of life..

u dont get it right..

okay..pregnancy and illness are quite common isn it..when u 30 onward chances of getting pregnant getting slimmer, the chances of unhealthy baby higher..and the most ur slow recovery of post labor..ur body,breast..unlike 20 ish..u still can rely on the good metabolism..so u know..when u makcik, metabolism u dah turun hokeh..so u susah nak kurus hokeh..

then illness..with my sooo 'healthy' lifestyle ;) im all prepared for all the consequences..i should stop kann?yeah i know..i just dont know why its gettin merrier..it seems lost in finding their exit..hee..

okay enough!

here come the main subject..all above wont happening if you still single or alone...(bunyi cengkerik) iv been told by a divorcee duda..he quoted:

'women after 25 they started to worry much bout gettin married..but when after 30 they started to think they can live without man..married or single..this is what happening in this woman of century'

errmm..i must say..i agreed in silence..but verbally for the sake of woman defensive i will disagree by sayin -yeah of course..if the guy didnt start givin problem, we mostly woman nature wont break the vow as easy as that-

but actually..even if the guy are givin u problem, u as a woman shouldnt u be the one to cool down the air?to be the opposite of the god knows man behavior..we woman can think deeply, can act multitasking, able to create the softness side of us easily compare to man's well known ego?even in Islam stated, we always by the side of man..

that's the thing right?if we woman nowadays could not tolerate such thing anymore means we want to be at their level without compromise..see how thing run opposite already..so when this happened, then is when 'after 30 they started to think they can live without man..married or single'

and this is the most im afraid of..because i actually started to think like one..i always have this question like 'why man have the rights and excused to criticize woman appearance after married..' because we can simply point out 'why man cannot maintain their belly after married' as well...owh then the save the world answer comes in...'thats because wer happy..married to our wife..' see!?BULL!

i just hope i manage to control myself at least give up to 35..to tolerate with man behavior..takuutt...

Sweet Tooth

pictures from paddington house of pancakes that i and family went last weekend..

im very into desserts or manisan or pencuci mulut..whatever they called it..as long as it sweets or fresh to compliment the heavy meal i consumed before..its not complete without the sweetness take over inside ur mouth.


preferably, il go for chocolate based then ice cream..or local malay dessert..mentioning this..i still havent go dine in Chocolate @ the walk,the curve..uuuu..i must!imust!

terjah handbag

ala2 verangan artis la konon khenn..


hihi..teringin nk tiru ala2 siti nurhaliza handbag kena terjah kan..except that ni i sendiri volunteer nk diterjahkan..:D


let see..whats in the bag hihi..


i got JnJ lotion, purse,my pills box,my rose hair clip, my make up bag, Avene spray,BB and owh nmpak x da sekeping kertas terselit d sittew..yeah itu adalah gym schedule...pfft..(smiley tutup mata)


i love my new MJ handbag this time as i tend to lessen the weight of the things inside..all this while sgt sakit bahu menyandang handbag ya rabbi beratnya..its not good for your bones okay..(sejak2 keja medical company ni kann)


so tu ja la..have a nice weekend uolls..xoxo..

healthy changes

i couldn't be more than happier to have a fresh start in everything..that is what we need..CHANGES!!i mean i would love to have changes in the term of the country i reside in for the major plan...woahhh!!!;)


but its ok..pelan2..we start with the minor2 things that we dont know how BIG the effect could be..like


1. deleting those unhealthy person that i keep on ogling at BBM
2. delete those unnecessary drama maker or people that unworthy ur time and life.
3. revamp ur blog!!!!:D


i just dont feel healthy to have a bad mark that stayed permanently in the virtual world reflecting ur pathetic life..life to short to not feel happy..aight!?


i am definitely not forgetting those bittersweet memories which thank to 'them' i am what i am now..but let it not to be reminded every time viewer read it..


i luurrrvvveee my new blog...do u? hopefully the meroyss getting lesser also..lets hope - finger crossed- ;)

Im JK now

Im JK now..

im now on:


1. Simply want to drive and listening to the heartbroken songs at Suria FM or Sinar FM..or better RED FM..  I know it wont do any good but i just enjoy the heartbroken while driving thing..


2. Reading the love story novels and deeply involved in it..till at times i brought it into reality of my life..and practically applied it..funny thing is..the reality always telly with the story..so..it suit..


3. Keep on staring at my picture..tried to screen and point out what is wrong or less beautiful that cause guys so hard to approach or want me..sigh..but then..everyone keep on sayin..: cantikla u ni..nape la u ni comel sgt..makes me like: what is wrong then?:|


4. Going crazy by looking at his BBM status updates..haih..

A picture of something that makes you happy...

owh...hmmm..
the task is fit well with the gloomy mood i am having right now..which had caused me not doing any single job today..and focused more on my FB and SIMS..
therefore there's lots of happy picture that i purposely dig just to fill my unhappy mood..
Truth to be told..i was actually on my scrap book/plan/dream for my dream wedding...muahahahahaha..
yeah..the plan was in my mind since..like..10 years ago? And iv been planning to have my vision in record as in scrap book or my wedding book..
So what i did was putting everything on the power point..and now its reaching the 7th slides..hehe..it was so fun!
Hence iv been googling around for the pics which i have planted in my mind..like the wedding gown,the wedding cake,the dowry,the pelamin,the makeup style etc..
So there were lots of pic like i mentioned earlier..

yeah see..that was my wedding cake..hehe..
i enjoyed doing this..im happy doing this..so i guess anything gottodo with wedding will be my happy picture :)

Youth Love

its hard to find love that started since your youth time will end up in happily marriage..ok scratch that..a happily wedding at least.. doesn't matter, high school or varsity years..ok maybe not in my circle..


why ah?


perhaps when it started we had planted in our young brain that that was the real relationship?
or u thought that since we met him at university..so he is well educated..or at least he is gonna graduate with a scroll in his hand so he will get a secured job?
and we graduated..
and turn out finding job is not that easy..plus rich guys is not really your priority because stability is..and the love is still there..


i thought if im being loyal he will return the favor?but i did not know the favor was 3 years after that..
thats when i thought i should switched during the first 3 years..
so it continues because u can sense his loyalty now, so u thought yeah loyal guy is hard to find..


and it dragged until the 5th year..damn now he is entering the fun phase..he is socializing like crazy..dont care bout future..or commitment to be exact..and then u started to dont bother as well because now that ur working and having own money is so much fun to be spent..


and now it getting to the 7th years..and ur aging sign clearly visible..perhaps ur 25 by now..and that was your target during your varsity years..u didnt know that 25 is nothing to be rush at because ur life has just started..so marriage and kids?is not really a big concern since ur aiming to buy a car and pay the rent..


and now its the 9th years..u are fucking scary 28 y.o. your hormones are changing..keep dreaming bout holding ur own baby and having ur own house to decorate..hair falls severely attacked..stress multiple..and u now(actually since the 8th years) started pushing bout marriage and saving..fighting all the time because u dont know what is playing in his mind..does he not ready yet?or he worried bout money to plan a wedding?coz u damn sure its not bout other woman anymore..


by the time it enters th big 10..u dont know what had happened..ur not sure either its ok to lose the relationship?or its ok to lose him?its a 10 years knowing inside out relationship already..u feel such a waste..u dont look at other guys anymore and that is why they never approached u..and by the time u start looking u forgot the technique!!!DAMN!and u blame the age..the looks..or the maturity?plus the circle is changing now..ur 29y.o. its either anak ikan or ikan besar with baggage..


pathetic life?dont worry, this is just the love life..at the other hand the life is developed..the career is sky scraping..u even actually look prettier(perhaps by the help from the expensive skincare and clothes)..


but again..u cant help thinking and observing..all ur friends are not marrying the same 10th years relationship guy?!they even marrying a guy who they met in a flight..or recommended by friends and family..and it doesnt need a 10 years relationship to tie the knot..damn again..


sigh...

A song to match your mood

Ermm..im so in good hormones..love is in the air..my dad is in good mood..so basically every happy song will do..but while im writing this post, this song is on air (from my colleague's radio on9 which is sometimes get on my nerve)..:p

im glad ct managed to get the first English album right on the time,hands and songs. I love the catchiness of this song and i marah when people criticize kononya her slang is not that american..The fuck? Hello bro..english is not american okay..U are so in the Jurassic element..every country has their own English slang and that's the beauty about it!


p/s: i highly look up on a purely malay slang but with world class choice of word..

New Year Eve Celebration 2012

with me lov

my best girls tim2 and farra (btw i dont know how to rotate)

This year around, i had my new year celebration at Danok,thailand..hehe sawadee..i had so much fun and love and urrrgghhhh..its a rare happening..enough said ;)


Yeah..i had Zul and my best girls around having fun at the same time is indeed rare!


I would love to have another round like that..yeah I want zul to start effectively mingling with my girlfriends..because i love both at par. So its hard for me to divide my attention and hurting their feelings is the last thing i ever thought of..I hate it when some people kiss butt the boyfie like people care when u actually is in group vacation..helloo.. there's always a reason why people created 'get a room!'


Nop. As best as I can I don't want to be like one..Both are important. So i love them both. Boyfriend or Girlfriends. No difference.