Dream wedding

I want this on my wed day!! Boleh?

I mean the flowers hangin by the ceiling.. Like lots!! And with pearl. Just exactly like this.

Shud i start work on it now? I always wanted to do my own wed reception and this seems a lot of work.

-bored to death at new job-

Boyfriend Criteria

I have always wish for this kinda rship and criteria in a boyfriend. I always thought its impossible to get and keep on dreaming. 

Waived the hard to get principle. If u like each other, admit it then give it a try. If it didnt suit u,then time for discussion.Still no?then quit!Dont go wandering and cheating and claimed its complicated.Thats stupid.

Can i have a guy who wil just get head over heel over me in the 1st phase? 

Meet a non-player guy (or retired) and ready to settle down.

R u d 1?🙈

My bff wedding

Throwback.

One of my darling babe and a group friend wedding day. I still cant believe u guys gonna end up tie the knot together. But yeah wish u an everlasting love and always pray u guys for the best.

I always love a traditional concept like the instrument and music in the vid. And the simple yet classy white dress and make up. Vintage & traditional, not a wrong match i guess. 

😍

Dahlia!! Aunty in love with your style. So vintage!! The pearl!!! Omg.. Jasmin u did a mind blowing job here.

Yeay!! Its baby zara turn 1 birthday celebration. Siann dia kna kejut dr tido, mula2 stoned sat.. Lpas tu uwaaaaaa.. Lpas tu bg mkn kek, snyap sket..

Of course.. Abang kawasan jgn dilupakan.. The Notorious Aqil!!

Hey its new addition to the group! Welcome Alya baby.. Haluih ja hat ni.. 

Dear Man

Maybe its me.

And my blind optimism to blame

Or maybe its you.

And your sick need to give love and take it away

And you'll add my name to your long list of traitors who dont understand

And il look back in regret how i ignored when they said

'Run as fast as you can!'

Triple H

If i were to be tested greater than this after this, i wont be surprised.
Because Allah s.w.t loves me so much.
Sometimes when i think i couldnt handled it, but then i survived! I heartbroken and moved on.
So, i dont really take His test as a burden actually, maybe one im used to it and i know what gonna happened next and how it gonna end.

So dear Triple H, i dont know how long u will linger in my life.
I try to enjoy every single moment i could have with you.. try to be happy with your companion and attention.
I could waste my time waiting for magic powder from angels above, but I have vow on myself, that I wont repeat the same mistake..investing my time for love to happen.
All i could hope ul decide and realize fast...coz i wont be waiting..I always did and always will.

Nevertheless, i appreciate my girlfriends' concerns on this relationship.
They against it because they love me.
I ignore because i wanna enjoy my life.

Dating Apps

Ok, Fara introduced me to this another social networking kinds and i have been using it for 1 week.

It was fun totally!! For the first 2 days. Yeah then i started to feel irritated, pissed with the wrong intention of some guys in it. Some even get direct what is he looking for. Such a shame, to have this stupid group of man come and ruined the good objective of the apps. 

Anyhow, i have been hooked up with few. No dates yet. But, yea i think something is wrong with me. The negativity towards man has always lingers in my mind. Perception, intention and yea rejection. I know its not at the level to have hopes, but im just tired to deal with this initial early bla bla stage already. I wish i can ask em to be what i expected em to be.. Haha yea i know.. Overr la kann..

Well, let just see how it flows. 

How long can i deal with this so called dating network. 

Pfft!

Mommy daughter issue.

this post caused by one episode in Kardashian series apparently...
yea i like watching them. For me the girls are thriving to live their life richly and they know what they need to do. And i do respect on how they can tolerate with the very minimum privacy having 5 cameraman all the time in their house (i saw in Kendal's keek)..

So it was about Kourtney having emotional issue with her mom. Shes having problem where she always giving attitude to Kris. Which is, similar to what im having too. Im so relief to know that im not alone. U know its terrible to think about it when ur in ur 30s to do so.. But she was more on shes carried a baby girl and just found out about Kris's previous scandal and lead to divorcement, and shes been badly affected by it thinking that she wouldnt do that to her children..ever.

I tried to find one tune that can relate to me and at least learn on how I could overcome it.
So she visit her personal therapist and share the issue.

Basically its all about late age and hormones attack. Tick.
U have problem dealing with ur mom's mistake. Tick
U didnt share it with ur boyfriend/father to the children. Err Tick?

Im sure its about quarter age crisis again.. The age and hormones and whatnot.
Im having difficulties to accept that shes willing to let her life being controlled by a man.. I know im talking about my own father here. But i think, I would look up on her more if she fought a bit for herself. If she do not have to be too dependent on her husband. If she could have say in the house. Because she didnt realized, it had affected me in some way.

But then again, jodoh di tangan Allah. She were meant to be with him. I could see how they need each other and continue surviving because they have each other. I just have this thought that it would be different if im in her shoe.

Yes, I basically have no one to share to. When Zul was around, he would be the one who listen and digest. I did share with some people,my girlfriends, but u know again the limitation because they have lots more on their plate and couldn't come out with one good calm solution. I dont think i wanna hear things that i knew. If only therapist is cheap. I think I have lots going on inside me, thanks to solat i could still think soundly.

Lastly, the only solution is to accept my mother's mistake (even without her knowledge of the mistake) and remember that 'syurga di bawah kaki ibu'. To accept that it were meant to be. To accept that it has been set up by Allah. And to pray more, so that i will open my heart sincerely to men. I need to try to eliminate some judgmental perception towards men.

So i will believe in marriage again.

Reason to change

There are only few reason why I wanted changes so bad but there will be millionth of result if i manage to get even one changes.

The path was great and still is. Perhaps its about the repetition and same cause and effect that bore me. The outing, the people, the spending, the principle i think still pretty much the same. And that seem to be my problem. Because its the same!

Hamba Allah yang lemah, never think and feel have enough.

I believe, living apart from certain people could give myself clearer perspective in life and other thing. I think its about time for me to have my own space and my own kinda living. I have lived many ways, im sure living alone is one of the best. 

I wish my life is not shadowed by some same people anymore. U know the problem with people, they felt good helping people, but sometime they didn't  realized its better if they didn't help at all. Note to self! I always thought people will appreciate my help, but u know they don't when u still get ur feeling hurt by them. 

Every time i pray to god, i always seriously ask for happiness in my life. Quite the opposite looking at my smiley face all the time huh.. And always ask for calm and content mind and heart. I cant explain by what, but im sure living in my own house myself is one of it.

Be thankful..

Looking at other people happiness, achievement or lucky makes me feel

'Good for them, lucky them, they deserve it'

Looking at other people downfall, misfortune, struggle makes me feel

'Im so lucky to have what i have in my life'

Looking at other people who are lucky and had achieved something but still dissatisfy towards other luckiness and achievement makes me feel

'Im so glad i didn't turn out to be like one because they don't know what they have and should be thankful enough. Perhaps thats the reason why i don't always get everything that i want so jealousy and bad desire wont control my mind. Theres a goodness to people like me, where difficulties thought me more about patience, controlled bad thinking and thankful for what i have earned MYSELF..

Positive thinking

One of my guy colleagues somehow said something that struck me instantly.
He ask me to think and believe everyday this:

I will get married to a good guy and be rich.

All this was because i have said bluntly ' i dont wanna think about relationship anymore for this 2013'
hahahahaaha..

He said, what u believe and think everyday, eventually will turn out to be true..
I personally dont really fancy this guy honestly.
Because he kinda like poyo..
But what made his words stuck in my mind was because his ability to make people listen to him. Work related or not!
He can be reliable..with his references to Nabi Muhammad and all..
He is a Haji though..

So just now during my Asar, i did doa for it...
 I will get married to a good guy and be rich.
:)

30th bday celebration?

Ookay its way ling to go to my 30th bday.. And iv already thinking bout the celebration..
Well i did celebrated a mini brunch-wash n blow- celebration kinda way with Leen today.. Its her birthday today!! And i couldn't felt more happier or lucky to make her day. I just hope i left some mark in her special day despite our weird hard to explain friendship. It just complicated. But nothing matters when we meet up every time, its like we just had the last meeting few days before that. We still shared everything together. So it works for me.

I just hope i could do something to myself on my bday this year. Its like more to appreciate and treat myself for being such a tough person, still kind hearted, helpful to those who needed and cant resist in advising ppl, try the best for being a good friend and many more. I might be known as a damn hell sensitive and emotional person and garang and negative, but hell im sure i never actually do bad things to ppl.

I never played guys heart. Im sure bout my feeling and i wont give false hope even i just want his companion when i have no one else. I never cheat.
I never do crazy things like kantoikan org where the result could destroy a life!
I never take advantage on my friends on purpose. I seriously dont. I may had sometimes borrowed some money or things but thats because i never ever mind when it come to my money or things. Maybe thats bad bcoz not all ppl think like me.
Even how much i dont want to, but i cant help to say the right things and advise as best as i can.

Overall, all above is tiring and stressed me out sometimes. Because sometimes i feel like needed advise and right words to hear. Not just simply attack and don't bother how i felt. I did feel lonely even i still surrounded with good friend. Maybe im the one who dint know how to handle when they actually did.

Thats why, now, i try not to bother and tired to advise anymore. Let it be. I don't know if its a real friend criteria. But i guess my mind need to be prioritized first.

So i think i need to plan big for this celebration. I hope i managed to do some huuugeee savings. With that NY lah, istanbul lah, bangkok lah in plan.. I dont know..

My dream life?

I've discovered!

The reason to my obsession towards kids..

Im so into in having changes in my life..or at least new. I guess if it destined not to happen in my life, perhaps i could apply it to another new life.

All i ever wanted or thinking or planned in my corrupted mind..is another life..another way of brought up and another result, it could be another bitter sweet but it was based on how it supposed to be, therefore it wont at least turn out to be like mine.

Things like make me become who I am now.

I would want my kids to have a harmonious up bringing and full of love.

I would advise them since beginning about heart breaker and not to be one.

They would know how to share almost everything with me without thinking the parents-kids barrier.. I would want to ask for their opinion and thoughts..

They would have known the consequences of stick to one boyfriend throughout so many years and how bad  the damage could be. Loyalty is 3 years tops! More than that u are stupid..and life will be meaningless when u wont be having more than 1 boyfriend to at least make u feel good about urself.

No matter what, never allowed a guy or a girl to make u losing urself. From sweet to bitter. From kind hearted to sceptical. From laugh to 1 line smile. From positive to negative.

I would want them to have their own space when the time comes and not planning to ditch ur parents behind at all.

They would know and believed that love is not a bad thing..Marriage is not the end of your life..Because they have brought up with loveable and thoughtful parents..

They know that they can always turn to Allah when everything else feels wrong..

I am grateful with the experience and memories that i have earned throughout my life. And I wouldn't want to change it since i know theres no use to. I mean it already happened and I just have to bear with what will happened next. But I wouldnt want my kids to have the kind of life that I have. Since i think theres nothing much of fun or sweet about it. I am not the good luck kinda person. I always have to go through difficulties in everything! I mean everything. What I am now is because i survived and have a tough heart and mind. But i do wish things could change into something more easier and happier.

Life is tough.

Happy 2013!!!

1/1/2013.

Happy 2013!!!

Yeay!!

Last night was awesome spending time with my best girlfriends..perhaps maybe happier without the guys.. :|
It went well just like how i imagined it. A tasty dinner, dressed up diva, taking pics-upload it instantly, dance a bit and go home. Thats all i ask for my awesome new year celebration and its worth every penny (hair,new dress and dinner)

Money indeed very important. But for me i dont want to trade money for happiness. I mean I dont want to be controlled or 'bought' just because iv been spent by someone. Its quite annoying dont u think. Just because u pay doesnt mean anything later must be under your direction. Your mood, your wants and your drama. Seriously it makes me sick. I could have pay it myself! Or if i couldnt afford it, I could have just stayed in rather than to face what to be known as ... usualness of yours.

Enough with the drama will you?
Some people just didnt realize that drama is fun to be watched if it happens once or twice. But when it happens every time, people get annoyed ookay. I dont even want to spend time with these drama maker any more  Because unlike other insensitive and emotionless people, it did disturbed me. I know it is not my issue but its my night!

Gosh..seriously im so glad im single and available and having fun!;D