The doomed day continues..

Listening to recitation is the perfume of the souls, the calmer of hearts, and the food of the spirit. Is is one of the most important psychological medicines. It is a source of pleasure, even to some animals – and pleasure in moderation purifies inner energy, enhances the functioning of the faculties, slows down senile decay by driving out its diseases, improves the complexion, and refreshes the entire body. Pleasure in excess, on the other hand, makes the illnesses of the body grow worse.

Abu Nu’aim states, in his Tib an-Nabbi, that the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said that the benefits of listening to recitation are increased when it is understood – that is, when its meaning is understood. 

Allah Himself says:…so give good news to My slaves, those who listen to the word and then follow the best of it…(Qur’an: 39.17-18) 

Source: As-Suyuti’s Medicine of the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam)

Last night tarawih(2nd July) proves this.

The imam was 2nd runner up for National Qari competition. 

His recite almost make me in tears. Rasa sebak sangat.. After few days that thing happened, i knew i can find peace during this Ramadan by get involved with Allah's activity.
I felt better..
Then I didnt.

Then I feel like crying all the time.. I cant focus at work.. I keep on questioned and blaming myself..
I read somewhere that we should not take everything personally by blaming ourselves. Its not us, its them. But of course u cant help it from thinking why does ur life keep ended like that..dont u?
I had enough. I gave up. But i still tried.. End up it will just be the same. I should have continued being gave up right?

I do think things happened for reasons. I thought iv found the reason but it didnt went smoothly too. Should I sacrifice more years in my life and continue waiting? 

I know we shouldnt push and put too much hope in anything and just let it be. But im not that kind of person. I like to plan and not being unprepared..

Ya Allah..help me..guide me