another attack

This 3 series age attack is getting serious. Im sure some out there might been saying silently in their head 'puhlis la minah ni...x abih2 3 series..3 series...' Huh hello minah...wait until u experience it urself. Im not surprised if someone who is weak might get depression or mental illness!

Okay. Its my first day period. I dont really understand whats happening to me. To my mind. I feel so stupid to feel vulnerable like this. Im a bitter person terribly. I know im not that friendly either, but at least i didnt hate everyone around me before.

All i ever wanted is my own space..and things goes smoothly. and i do not want to get irritated by being shadowed with other people's achievement or happiness. Im not the kind who will become a hater of someone's good thing happening. Or maybe because it being shadowed by a few specific reason..like boyfriend,marriage or baby..sigh..

I wish i can smile more like iv always known as. Im always a smiley girl. Now im a pouting,sulking face and i dont even look good with the double chin and whatnot. I dont care to look good anymore. I still do my hair and body scrub, but i just dont bother to look good or outstanding when at outside. I do less makeup, and sometimes i dont even!

U know what i really want? I want my face to look glow and brightening by itself so that i dont have to put makeup anymore. I wanna my body to keep on maintain just okay like this without me to diet like stupid teenage girls or control what i wanna eat! I wanna my own house! Owned!! I wanna a new car!!

Owh talking about car..finally alhamdulillah after several stupid bloody banks issue, CIMB had been kind enough to offer me with the loan. Why i should be pissed? I have no commitment at all!!I have no debt! and my salary is enough to pay a brand new car. The reason was because i had record with ccrs and i have no financial pattern record. The fuck?

And no one knows and would understand how this car is the savior of my broken mind at the moment. Seriously. All i really wanna is changes or NEW! and now i have it. This car is the symbolic of i can stand on my own. I have nothing to lose as a single. I can achieve what i want. I have better property. and i can go whenever i want!!!

I cant wait for this 'phase' to pass..seriously..i cant wait to be at that point where i dont care anymore about boyfriend,marriage or babies..i want to feel and think that its not end of the world if u cant achieve all that successfully. I still got few years to come until i reach 40 at least..whoa!

So until that phase comes, people around me need to just be extra patient with this bloody bitch attitude. I hope all those motivational books that  bought from Big Bad Wolf 2012 could assist me..

Enough is Enough!!!!

Seriously im not in the mood to listen or read any story or excitement of getting married or dealing with kids or expecting or whatever..

Last time all these made me sedih and auwww nak jugakkk... And meratap life i...

But lately i was like bleh diam x!!! Puhlis la jaga baby pn bising.. Hello suma org nk ada baby and thankful for having them.. Xyah nk over..

Xyah nk beria sgt plan wedding bleh x? As if u gonna gain happiness!duh! Marriage is hell, dont bullshit me laa..

P/s: theres less money in the acc+no life+ no boyfriend for real!!

Thats why.. :|

Car v/s house

Last friday i went to Nissan car dealer at Subang Perdana after give up with Padaiyappa few attempts in draining my money in the banks every month now..
Yea i really2 shouldn't have said it out loud.. I don't care if u called it a myth, unfortunately its happening to me! And it is true..
So i went and immediately submit the application for Nissan X Gear. ( of course iv surveyed and ran through it before)..

So now i have indirectly make up my decision to for the car, i guess sayonara to the house the ? :( huhu.. I wish i could have both!!!:,(
Since its gonna happened that way, i guess i pretty much need to do something to fulfill my unmet needs.. I think i need a major makeover for my room to become like one that i have always plan for my new house.. It seems like I'm gonna stuck here for few more years.. So the least i can do is stuck with pleasant i guess :p
Im gonna start this new project next week, owh no raya haji!!! Okayy the next following week then..

But the decision might twisted again if the car did not went through with zero downpayment? ;)

i must go these places in : LONDON

Big Ben: London's Clock Tower

Tower Bridge Exhibition

National Gallery @ Trafalgar Square

London Eye

                  

Harrods                           Victoria and Albert Museum       Oxford Street

Millennium Bridge

London Tube

Cancer guy

All this while i always thought that cancerian is always the loyal, lovable and caring one..

I was wrong. Well at least i was wrong bout the guy.. They are damn flirtatious and not really that loyal!! Seriously it gave me shock!! Well one because i always wanted to try with a cancer guy since i thot yea he might be no difference with me so i guess everything could be better since we understand each other well..

So lately iv met them.. And i even thought they are gemini at first!! Yea!!

Then i got attached with one in romantic way.. Ok then i can feel the cancerian effect..only the bad news was hes in relationship of 6 yrs with a long distance gf.. Hmm seem like we heard of this kinda story before? Typical cancer!!

I should have always stick to my principe. I know i cant do it. I know i cant tolerate with the fact thats he is actually love n care other girl while keep on having this maniac thinking that im just a temp to fill in between their dating dates!

So it actually ended last night by me!! As always. Yeah i dont think i should keep on hurting myself and i actually allowed it!! And listen to his explanation and thoughts actually killed me slowly. He was a good one except that he is not meant for me. Im sorry but im not really think bout that other girl really.. Bcoz i just have this new perspective where a persons' happiness and destiny are not necessarily finalize in one and the first rship only..but, we might have destined to continue with other partner. Well it just my thoughts from my observation..

So, if, let say i eventually end up with someone else boyfriend or husband( mintak simpang) i must believe that my happiness maybe was written to be with him. Karma is another thing. Karma is when u purposely hurting people not when u has been tested non stop upside down and all u want is the answer!

Cancer= ticked and crossed

He always in my heart

No one actually knows.. Theres one thing that even me never know the reason or what had possessed me that hardly fade when it comes to him..

I always have that little tiny hope about our future..

I always silently talk to myself that dont worry he always the worst case after constantly being hurt in other terrible rship.. And yet i always feel relieved when i know i still got him..weird much..?

Wait till if u know the crazy things that wev been through.. Its beyond ur imagination n acceptance..

I dont know.. I never really wanna believe that wer meant to be together bcoz i always hope that il end up with someone else.. bcoz im afraid that the previous chapter will repeating again in the future.. And i dont really read books twice..il get bored!

But then again till that someone else comes, im used to hang on him.. So no matter what people around gonna say or against, i actually do feel happy when it comes to him.. His voice could sooth me.. His laugh make me calm.. And our conversation make me missed him even more..

In the meantime, il love myself more..because im a princess 😘

Life is not fair.

Life is not fair when people who dont even serious in rship n cheating like hell however end up with a boyfriend.

Life is not fair when people who never thought bout settle down however got proposed n agreed bcoz friends in the cycle is settling down too..

Life is not fair when all i want is getting pregnant n raised my child but other people who are not even talk bout kids got the chance to do so..

When it will be fair to me?