Been there, done that.

Im kinda feel sorry for my sis and some of my single girlfriends that still put boyfriend as one of life target and getting heartbroken every-now and then. I mean, after the unsuccessful engagement, Im actually become better at not thinking and putting that as priority anymore.

Now i know how does it feel when one had a divorce and the feeling of 'its okay been there done that'.. How to elaborate this yea?

Alright. I had taste the moment and celebration one of the important day in one's life and once it did not succeed, I feel like its ok..'been there,done that'. We have spent and the preparation was overwhelmed. Even the day was so beautiful with the fresh flower, presence of close family and friends. I was even count the day as my own family and friends gathering. And when the bastard party demolish all that, Im kinda like okay lets not giving chance to this kinda people to do that again to me and my family.

So, my point is, thanks to that (surprisingly), it have make me to eye on other important part of my life that is more important and challenging and fun. Like plan to further my Master in London, or quit this stupid Bumiputera Malay minded job and picking apple in Australia or simply spent any cents left in the account to simply purchase flight ticket for vacation.

And boyfriend or marriage has become not that interesting anymore. Because there's too much other things that you cant enjoyed anymore once ur settled down. Seriously, Iv witnessed many my older married girlfriends that envy another single life girlfriend that been jumping from Dubai to London and back to Dubai just because she cant stand the coldness ;D

And I know I wont be drown in enviousness because I still got chance to do that.

I know its hard to advise and explain this to my sister because she did not went through this life experience yet (and I hope she never will). I hope she will skip this part, and manage to enjoy this other things and only then found The Boyfriend and settled down.

Admittedly, boyfriend is fun to have around, but dont deny it they actually a stress contributor as well. I enjoyed a man's company but once Im not, I dont mind to end it and you go figure how to deal with it.

Jobs.. Not Steve Jobs.. But my Job

Officially, my last day would be on this coming 9th Feb 2015. Technically, i only got 2 days more to tag my access card and done for good.

I just had enough with typical Malay Bumiputera company. Politics overshadow the benefits. Is it worth it? Def NO! Time to move on.

Iv been reading articles on jobs, dream jobs, moving on, time to leave your job for a better you.. And im sure and believe in myself that im doing the right thing. I shouldnt waste much time living or working unhappily.

New job? Still looking. Not goin to repeat the same mistakes. Grab any for the sake of having a job. This time around, theres a checklist that the job need to look at.. Hoho 😄. The most important and no 1 will be: PASSION

I must love the offer first. Then ill figure how to love it.

How i wish i could just buy a tix and fly to OZ or London, looking for job and apparently there are vacancy for apple picking.. And then i applied for the working permit and without realize iv stayed there for a year!! Auuww bestnya..

Thats the thing.. Its not bout how glamor or corporate or high post the job is anymore.. Its all biut how passion you are with your job. I dont care.. 

Il be unemployed until i found the job that i love!

My brother is married!!

Last 24th January 2015 was the date I personally chose in March 2014 to have supposedly me and Ainuddin's double wedding. Nothing special about the date except that was the only available date for early 2015 and I was totally in love with the place.

Iv been to Duchess Palace, Ampang for 2 times years before, and I knew I have found my dream wedding place. It is a house tent concept and I always wanted that kind. Then I found the Laman Kayangan in Shah Alam which have similar tent house!!Even if the reception gonna be held at our house, I want the tent outside for the reception. I went there for a wedding exhibition in the morning and later in the evening i brought mama and abah and paid the deposit ;D

Regardless, I am so happy to see my brother and my lovely sis in law sit on the dais inside the beautiful tent. Everyone compliment "Such a beautiful wedding'. And I couldn't help from feeling proud and happy because i chose that place :)

Honestly, there was never a slight feeling of sadness or envy for me not being the one who sat on the dais. Im just so happy looking at the bride and groom, my happy parents and all family and friends enjoyed their time in the cozy and beautiful hall. There's nothing i would want except my family got chanced to have the first wedding in the family to be held there.

I know some friends ad relatives feel sorry for me, after what had happened. But I'v recovered and moved on. I dont even shed tears except when abah sang Truly after his speech. Tetiba rasa sebak sat. :')

Overall it was a very beautiful wedding. And I am very happy and relieved everything is done and success. Of course there's hiccups here and there, but the most important thing no body knows ;)

p/s: I still want the tent house if i eventually get married one day ;)

Marriage and its effect

Not to be judgmental, but I am more sure of myself that marriage doesn't guaranteed you happiness.

I have few gf that are having marriage problem at the moment and the tie mostly have been 8-10 years old. Its not that I'm taking their experience to be my guidance, but I always knew deep in myself that I don't trust the arrangement anymore. I mean me myself getting difficult in compromise with man and what else with the laws family? Iv realized that u can live happily with your family and friends and reach ur dream easier and in control with ur life.

Of course some say that I haven't found the right guy to switch my belief, and marriage is ibadah yg dituntut Allah, and ur getting pahala in doin that.

My point is, whats the use if after all the good deeds have been done, in the end there's possibility of discontinuity and unhappiness?

I mean man will always be man. There's always chances u'll be abandoned and the worst u stuck in an unhappy marriage. Woman will always be the one who have to feel ashamed even she dont have to. The one that will carry all the burden and not to lay eyes on other man or you'll be labelled.

But it gets funnier if the women managed to get married again and happier..then you'll be exempted from all those claims. I mean how and when would we know we are gonna be at that point and will we?

Things are much different compared to our parents time. Women were more patient and obey. They were dependent and scared of thinking that they will live alone as J.

Nowadays? No man, no trouble.

Happiness Contributor

It always about wrong time and wrong person.
The moment you feel so comfortable and happy, it always based on the wrong time and person.

How challenging is that?

For me, happiness is always number one. Il do anything to feel happy. Il hang out with friends, plan activities with families....Il spent time with people who can bring laughter to my face.

Il ignore any spoiler or heavy thoughts just for the sake to enjoy the happiness.

But, as I said..it always come with price..even time with your family..

For this one particular happiness contributor, I just like for once want to be selfish..Im enjoying this time and wont let it go. For whatever it takes..

I do not want to think bout people perception, bout someone else heartbroken..I just dont.

Because no matter how much i think bout all those things all this while,
no matter how iv being nice to people,
no matter how Im trying so hard not to hurt people's feeling,
eventually I will be tested by Him..

Hence, let me just enjoy this thing and be happy..

How could you..

It has been 18 days since the engagement day. We were back on the silence treatment mode. He did it again. I kena again. The most important thing Iv remind him so many times, never shut me out!! But he did it. Not once, but many times since before merisik.

At that time, when i were about to feel break into tears, my stronger Nadya came and told me that..You are strong Nadya, uv been endure this billionth time. Be patience. Handle it elegantly and professionally. This is the time to apply whatever you've been reading in the self motivational books.

Along the way, being me..I will always upload or express my thoughts and feeling at that time with quotes or pictures that linked to me. Of course, hoping that he will understand more. But he didnt. He keep on doing it.

So i sabar. It continues until 25th June.

I knew about he'll be coming down to bring is mom to IJN for her routine checkup.
And he whatsapp me that hes coming and like to meet me to pass the bekas hantaran and discuss things.
I was relieved! Finally sense gets into his mine to be a man and communicate.

I didnt know that night will be the last time Il becoming a fiance.

He totally block his mind and himself from any kind of discussion. Basically he only wanna hear what he wanna hear. Every time I try to explain with a very calm tone, he will block and snap it out. So, he is still the same. Frustration and red face was the only thing I could express. I gave up with this kinda attitude. He do not want to discuss a thing!!

And he ask, do I still wanna continue this engagement.
I said, of course! Yes we had a fight but that doesn't mean we have to give up.

I mean this is not high school weh! This has involved families! This has cost my pride and lots of money!

And he quoted ' I dont think we should'

I was about to feel..am I being dumped? No this is not a high school break up..This is real man. U could not simply ditch me after every only God knows.

U ask me to marry you. U met my parents to get me to marry u. And now u wanna end it as if I was nothing!

I continued my diner. Even I felt like swallowed sands.
I maintained my coolness. Deep inside I was totally shattered.

I ask if his parents knew about this.. and of course. Only immature man will do those kinda immature and selfish decision. They didnt know.

I brought him to meet his parents!! I wonder who is the man in the relationship.

Otw to the hotel, I called Nurul, tried to get some soothing words. I rasa mcm nak nangis..but I didnt. But I really need to talk to someone. My voice was shaking. She tried her best to calm me down and ask me to drive carefully. She advised to maintain my coolness and not to burst out. Show that im not the bad guy here.

In the room, was his uncle and his parents. Watching some drama. The actress was named Nadia in the drama. And the uncle joked about our similar name. And he said my name sounds like Indonesian name when I told him my full name.

So it started with his mom asked, hows preparation so far?
So I told her what did her son just ask.
And his parents surprised with the news.
I told his mom so many times...I never ever have a thought to end it. He wants it. He didnt even wanna stay in the hotel room to face the problem he had caused.

The mother ask me to calm down and not to worry. She will try to talk to her son.
She ask me not to tell my parents about it.
She even accompanied me to my car that was parked in the dark basement.
She said she will call.

On the way back, Zul returned my calls before. I share everything with him. He ask me to be patience and not to jump into conclusion. Things are not finalized yet and he said that the guy will come into his senses once hes okay.

I just felt relieved when he acted that way. He was not being bias. He know me so well and he did make me calm. He felt sorry for me. He just want me to be happy but I keep on being tested with all this bullshit.

I waited for 2 days.
I call, and the mother cant talk.

I wait for another 2 weeks. I still havent shared with my mom.
During those 2 killing weeks, I felt so vulnerable. I couldn't bear the thoughts of how my father would respond to the news. Iv been arranging my words on how to tell my parents.The engagement was not even last for a month! Decision like this would have been thought for some time, and uv decided to spill the shit after the engagement? Where is your senses?

After 2 weeks, the mom called me. I was at the office.
She said, her son still sticking to his words.
I wonder if she knocked her son's head and put some wise word in it. He is so childish.
She asked, do i want this too because thats what her son said so.
I said, if he can simply do things like this of course i feel scared already.
And again, I didnt ask for this ending!

I told my mom on the same day at night. I told her everything.
It took me 4 days to tell my father later on.

I dont think abah took it that well. He went up and being silence about it for days.

It was Ramadan, and I have never being tested that great before. Tarawikh was the only time and place I could feel calm. I said my prayers in silence to Him and ask for His guidance. It was the most memorable and meaningful Ramadan.

The parents took another 2 weeks to have guts to call my parents. And that was also after mama sms the shallow guy to face the situation. Abah agreed to meet up after raya.

16th August 2014.

Ayah Nyah and Mak Puan been so nice to join the discussion. Iv made a list of loss I have to bear by myself. Basically it was deposits and expenses that I have paid with my own money for the wedding preparation. The intention was to claim from his side since I wont gain any of it too.




And I just couldnt believe everything that had happened on that day.

Getting out of the country...

Urgghh reading about stupid people who dont know about why we are boycotting, really put me in a state where I could not think of something nice anymore.

Im getting frustrated with the country already. Actually dah lama..but the reasons keep on coming and increasing. And the idea of getting out the country getting greater.

With the unjust law, poor implementation, increasing crimes..and of course..the huge percentage of shallow citizen. I know people got the right to think and say anything, and exactly! I got the right to feel this way too. Sometimes dealing with shallow minded colleagues also play part to this frustration. U just tired to response because u know it getting nowhere and let them live in false.

I know we always need to be fair in our thoughts too, and I will make effort to read or ask bout the opposite info and opinion. And with that taken care of, I stand with my belief. My points are backed with facts and logic.

Okay..actually point dia..This idea of study or working abroad keep on lingering in my mind. K.Long plak dok bg support. And iv been doing some survey and research. Theres few ways in doing that. The only thing that hold me are:

1. My never ending Degree.. I know I should focus more on this from now on.
2. My monthly fixed expense..the car,asb,insurance,phone.. Whos gonna pay that?

Owh basically only this two. Im single and not gonna get married real soon..so this is my time!!
So how eh..I x sabar dah sbanrnya..