Work Sucks!

Honestly, i dislike my job here.
I dont hate it, but theres no motivation or attraction that could wake me up early in the morning with happy heart.
Everyday, i dont feel like going to work.

It got to do with the uninteresting benefit here..no  mileage claim and no commission. And of course typical Bumiputera company. Poor management and implementation. I think i had enough working in a bumiputera company already.
Basically what im earning here is a basic salary to pay my expenses monthly and another year of working experience. Thats it. No extra income..no fun.

Maybe the only positive thing that i can think of is that with this working experience related to Oil n Gas industry..it could be my stepping stone to a big company..like Petronas. Iv always wanted to work in Petronas. With their benefits and pay and yes experience..I could see myself settling down there.

And its nearer to my house. Like 10 minutes away?

But how long can i endure this 'takda hati' working here..

Unhappy things actually can bring yourself down worst than u think of. It affect my mood, my motivation and my behavior too!

Dear God, help me with this. I know iv been asking too much with little return to U...but please help me giving solution on this.TQ

Song

This song brings lots of meaning.
What happened in your past somehow could jeopardize ur future though. My advise to the young ones. Never got ur heart broken too many times. It might got recovered but it never healed. Things happened in ur past will become ur guidance and lesson. Some might caused good but some not.

I think heartbroken could caused negative impact where ul lose faith and trust in guys. It makes u become independent and started to thing that u can embrace the life living on ur own. Like mine, i gave up on guys and started to plan my life living alone. A house of my own and adopted baby was in the plan.

Until, my now fiance came in and changed the whole plan and idea. I never took it wholeheartedly because im still haunted by the toxic experience.

Therefore, what i need is constant assurance that this is real and reliable. This could make u live more happily compare to living alone. This could be the right future.

And i think, to do that..ur partner should not be selfish and thinking bout what he had in his past too. Because, ur a guy! No matter what, u owned the first move. Not us woman. We need to trust more and convinced more. Or it will make no difference either ur there or not.

well at least to a woman like me.

I agreed tolerance if the most important thing. Perhaps too much tolerance could make u feel unworthy. Whats the point of being a partner in a relationship and not being pampered by your guy.

Pampered here is very subjective.
Many of my friends would know, im not the kind who will go for material or physical. Im the kind who look for real love and yeah unfortunately hopeless romantic.
My definition of pampering is all about communication, sharing, trust, care and love. It do sound cliche but thats who i am. Im expecting birthday wish and thoughts rather than a birthday cake.

Hence, thats is my tolerance. I dont count how much money u earn but im calculative on how much time u spare for me. If i feel im not being cared, I will automatically count as im not being loved.

But again, too much of it could make u feel unworthy.

Emotional heart

i watched wedding video clips..i cried..
i listened to CT's song..i cried..
i send my E invitation trough whatsapp..i cried..

WTF is happening to me.. ni baru E, belum solemnization..duh..
i get so emotional on few things lately..
and im super happy excited preparing myself for the day..

Like this Friday iv scheduled myself with facial, mani pedi and hair treatment..
On Saturday I need to pick up the cake, the fruits and the chandelier..
Owh btw abah has successfully be a gem completed the simple, elegant yet awesome dais. I was like sooo touched! (no sharing now..x surprise lah)

Will keep updating!
xoxo

this is how it started..

I am so glad im back in love with my BF again..pheww..

So 16 more days to go to get engaged. Now i can do the wed/E preparation with lovely feelings and berbunga2.. haha

My BFF asked me last night while we chillin', am I ready to get married actually because she thinks im not. Maybe because of this non-stop arguments between us.

I said, honestly I AM ready.

I dont think i have problem to be loyal,faithful and commit. That's for start which I think the most important thing to think before u settled down. There's no such thing as enjoy habis2an before married..NO! U must slowly transit and changed the lifestyle, behavior and thinking. A friend of mine now being haunted by her not so past before married regrets because afraid that it might happened to her children. Don't do that. Changed before u decided to get married.

I argued because I care. I care because I accept him. I scared thinking that this is just another wrong man. Iv been haunted with my long-term-toxic-rship and i do not wanna get trapped again. My experience with mans always guarded me. And I believe arguments is the best way for me to get to know my BF more. Because thats how I last for 10 years in my prev rship. Because along the years Iv learnt bout my ex inside out and it makes me loved and be patient with him more. So thats the only way. Actually we just knew each other last Sep 13 even we'v met in 2001. And he proposed in Jan 14. And our parents met each other in Feb. And now wer getting engaged in June. Honestly, yes I feel tied to him so the only way to make this work is by improving it. By arguments :p

Iv realized that im getting better at listening to people's advise, patient more and tolerate. I took time to think and respond. Iv learnt respect is needed. Im more responsible to my earning.

Things that I didnt possessed before.

So im getting mature myself and its a sign for me that Im ready to have kids of my own. I didnt inherit my mama's tahap kesabaran yang maha tinggi. But iv excel in other areas. I believe I am. I believe Il be a good mother.

Thats enough for me to be ready to get married dont u think?
Of course different people carried different perspectives. For me, all above is such a BIG achievement in my life.. and I valued myself as best wife and mother material.

Enjoy la habis2an during your youth years..not because ur gettin married.
Do not get married at young age because trust me u still nak enjoy habis2an.

And i said this because of my experience with my life and circles.

Paris van Java

I did shop till drop and broke.

                                               

So me, fara, mama n afif went to Bandung for my enggagement and wedding cloth hunting.

We finished RM2300 in one store for lace,tulle,satin clothes. Yeap. 

And im pretty sure if we bought the same amount of clothing here in Malaysia the cost will rise up to 40%. Yeap.

So its worth it.

Owh not forget to mention that i spent another RM700 for the FOS.. Daymn son.

But it is still worth it because i got an authentic Ralph Lauren Polo shirt for him for RM70. I bought 2. :D

Tu x msuk tempah lg okeh..

Check balance kat cimb clicks sat.. 😅

Some people in my life

Some people:

1. Live in denial just to admit their wrongs, until something happened. Even then, they wont agreed with our words. They 'll say that's what we called experience.
2. Being defensive because they are too proud too admit the obvious fact. Let the greater power suppress more and more until what will be left only their words.
3. Afraid to try or change the routine because of some people or situation..
4. Too blend with the cultural.
5. Some experience are meant to be regretted. Because it affect the future.
6. Sorry doesn't mean anything.. It will be repeated.

The syndrome

Remember this film?

Okay..Im not gonna touch on the fights or Kate or Anne..

I wanna relate myself with their preparation towards the big day. Because I think Im experiencing the same thing right now..

Owh my..where should I start..

Or to be exact..when did it start? Im pretty sure it started after he ticked me with the ring. And after dengue. Yeap I get emotional because he only visited me one time! O N E!! And since then I never get recover..

Its not bout BIG things honestly..its about communication, sharing, effort and interest. Yeap sound simple but it is not because its general and subjective. But actually it can help because of its generality u can ask for advise or read. In case ur too ignorant and never care bout these area before.

I mean lets do this together! Okay ur far..so communicate!!

Walk the talk.. and update each other.. sharing!!

Again walk the talk..theres a reason why we discuss and plan..effort!!

Are u really in this? show fucking interest!!

Im a bit worried day by day because im the who feel do not want to communicate anymore, mals nak sharing.. no effort toward the rship anymore..and my only interest is on the wedding..not him anymore.

Im glad when i checked with my newly married girlfriends that it is normal!! Phew..

It will faded and gone once he shake the kadi's hand. And the post effect will be the opposite of it.

Lets just pray and pray..that this is only temporary..

Because i do not wanna waste all the money..and yeah pride.